The Power Of Saying No!

All of life’s decisions boil down to answering a question with either a “yes” or “no”.  Answering a question with a “yes” usually gives you more opportunities, but at the same time it can limit your own freedom or you can even commit  yourself to some things you don’t want to do at all. Answering a question with a “no” usually denies you opportunities, but at the same time it gives you more freedom and control over your life.

In this article I will examine the reasons for saying “yes” too often. Then I will talk about the benefits of saying “no” to others and to yourself. Finally, I will present you with a simple guide of when to say “yes” or “no” in any given life scenario.

Saying “Yes” Too Often

Even though answering “yes” or “no” work equally well in most life situations and can help you choose the right path, it is my experience that most people are having a hard time saying “no”. It seems that we are almost conditioned to say “yes” to everything. There are many reasons for it. It is almost custom to think that saying “no” is bad thing simply because it carries implied negativity with it. Some people say “yes”, because they don’t want to hurt other people’s feeling. Some people say “yes”, because they really don’t have a preference either way and simply don’t know what they want.  Some people say “yes” because they feel like they have no option but to say “yes”. That is why learning when to say “no” can be the simplest and most life changing lesson you could learn.

Benefits Of Saying “No” to Others

Yes, saying “yes” is great thing, but it must be said in moderation with “no”. Saying “no” is actually one of the best things that you can say to others, assuming you do not over use it. Saying “no” implies that you have a preference over one matter or another. “No” shows respect for yourself, your time and your energy, because it makes you seem more mature and that you know yourself and your life. “No” will cause other people to respect you more. They will be more considerate of your time; they will think twice before asking your help and they will get to the point quicker and won’t bother you with things you are not interested in. Simply put, you will not become somebody’s doormat. It seems that most people have the tendency of using people who are always agreeing to their terms and let them have their way. Yet, saying “no” to other is not that easy. It might cause you to feel as if you were doing something wrong, but in reality you have to understand that by saying “yes” to the other person’s desires and wishes, you are saying “no” to yourself. “No” is the key to not giving away your power to others and keeping it to yourself.

Benefits of Saying “No” to Yourself

Even more important than saying “no” to other is saying “no” to yourself. It will actually help you form healthy habits and rid of unhealthy ones. It will help you keep your life simple and organized. You will have more time to do things that you love and you will stop wasting energy on the things that do not matter. You will be able to refine your life and give it purpose and direction. Most importantly, you will be able to gain a better understanding of your own identity and of who you are. You will realize that making decision will become much easier and at the same time, you will have more control over your own life.

Choosing When To Say “Yes” or “No”

Now, once we know how powerful and useful “no” is, I will explain to you when to say it. To make things simpler, let us assume that there are only two types of situations:  “win” or “lose”. Now, let us walk through steps of when to say “no”. Imagine that you are presented with an opportunity to do something. First, thing that you need to do is to check if this opportunity is a “win” situation for you. If it is, only then you have ask yourself if it is a “win” situation for the other party. If it is, then you accept the opportunity and say “yes”. However, if it is a “lose” situation for you and “win” for the other person, then the answer is “no”. Even if it turns out that it is a “win” situation for you, but a “lose” situation for the other party, you should still decline the opportunity by saying “no”. Only “win win”situations should get the green light of “yes”.

There is no denying that to say “yes” or “no”, one has to have set priorities to decide which “win win” situations to accept or which to reject. To accomplish that, you will have a clear idea of the priorities in your life and what really matters to you to make a wise decision.

Personal Example Of Saying “No”

For the longest time in my life,  I could not learn how to say “no”. For example, in college, I would commit to too many activities at the same, I would promise multiple people to show up at the same time, I would take up too many hours to work or even too many jobs. Because of that, I had no stability, no schedule, I could not concentrate and I would not perform all of my commitments to my best ability. I would spread myself too thin. It became a real problem: I would have to cancel many meetings; those canceled meetings started damaging my friendships; and I had to quit variety of activities and jobs. Finally, I learned how to say “no” to myself and to others. The results were completely different from that point on. I could concentrate on what really was important to me, I gained other people’s respect, I was able to do what mattered to me the most and I felt like I knew myself better. And that is that power of saying “no”!