Comments on: How To Let Go Of The Past http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/ Accepting And Embracing Change In Our Lives Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:06:43 +0000 hourly 1 By: Tomas Stonkus http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-113 Tomas Stonkus Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:53:10 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-113 Hey Walter: Just remember that you are not alone. Many people have a difficult time living in the present and letting go of the past. So long that you are aware of your own situation and that you are putting an effort to take care of this, you will be able to master it sooner or later. Best of luck to your journey and thank you for reading! Best, Tomas Hey Walter:

Just remember that you are not alone. Many people have a difficult time living in the present and letting go of the past. So long that you are aware of your own situation and that you are putting an effort to take care of this, you will be able to master it sooner or later.

Best of luck to your journey and thank you for reading!

Best,
Tomas

]]> By: Walter http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-112 Walter Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:55:05 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-112 What you have written here Tomas rings deep inside of me. I'm having difficult time living in the present but I'm fully aware that I will gain nothing if I stuck myself in the past. It does takes time, courage and dedication to master this important wisdom of life. I know I can master this. :-) What you have written here Tomas rings deep inside of me. I’m having difficult time living in the present but I’m fully aware that I will gain nothing if I stuck myself in the past. It does takes time, courage and dedication to master this important wisdom of life.

I know I can master this. :-)

]]> By: Tomas Stonkus http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-111 Tomas Stonkus Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:49:46 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-111 Nancy: Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting - that is very deep. As I think most people try to forget something that happened. It is much more important to forgive. Forgetting something is equivalent to erasing part of yourself, part of who you are. We should be grateful for everything. Even though some experiences might have hurt, we can take those lessons and pass it on to others. By doing that we will have helped others - therefore the purpose will have been achieved. There are a ton of ideas in your reply, but I just wanted to touch upon the one that resonated with me the most. Best, Tomas Nancy:

Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting – that is very deep. As I think most people try to forget something that happened. It is much more important to forgive.

Forgetting something is equivalent to erasing part of yourself, part of who you are. We should be grateful for everything. Even though some experiences might have hurt, we can take those lessons and pass it on to others. By doing that we will have helped others – therefore the purpose will have been achieved.

There are a ton of ideas in your reply, but I just wanted to touch upon the one that resonated with me the most.

Best,
Tomas

]]> By: Nancy http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-110 Nancy Wed, 11 Nov 2009 04:20:36 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-110 I agree with Tomas. Living in the past keeps one stuck there. Forgiveness means that you have reached that place within yourself that allows you to get on with your life. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. If I touch a hot stove and burn my hand, I do not want to carry that pain with me throughout life. I do want to remember not to touch the hot stove again! If I berated myself forever for touching the hot stove, then I would just be carrying the pain of the past with me and blocking myself from expending the energy I might need in the present. This does not mean we have to embrace people or things that might harm us in order to forgive. I know it's difficult to delineate the difference because it seems if we remember a painful incident we will relive the pain of it. However, if you have forgiven yourself and others, then you can remember without the pain. You can distill it down to find out what you need to learn from the situation. Maybe, there was nothing in the actual situation that you needed to learn but something about your reaction to the situation that holds the lesson. I do believe that we are all given challenges, some more heartbreaking or difficult than others, but if we truly step back and try to find it there's a lesson somewhere in there. Once we discover what we need to learn, then it becomes a matter of choice. If someone has harmed you it's easy and natural to react strongly to that. However, if we choose to stay in that energy then the harm continues indefinitely and colors many of our decisions. If we choose to forgive and learn, then the harm that was arising from that situation ceases to exist. I agree with Tomas. Living in the past keeps one stuck there. Forgiveness means that you have reached that place within yourself that allows you to get on with your life. Forgiveness is not the same as forgetting. If I touch a hot stove and burn my hand, I do not want to carry that pain with me throughout life. I do want to remember not to touch the hot stove again! If I berated myself forever for touching the hot stove, then I would just be carrying the pain of the past with me and blocking myself from expending the energy I might need in the present. This does not mean we have to embrace people or things that might harm us in order to forgive. I know it’s difficult to delineate the difference because it seems if we remember a painful incident we will relive the pain of it. However, if you have forgiven yourself and others, then you can remember without the pain. You can distill it down to find out what you need to learn from the situation. Maybe, there was nothing in the actual situation that you needed to learn but something about your reaction to the situation that holds the lesson. I do believe that we are all given challenges, some more heartbreaking or difficult than others, but if we truly step back and try to find it there’s a lesson somewhere in there. Once we discover what we need to learn, then it becomes a matter of choice. If someone has harmed you it’s easy and natural to react strongly to that. However, if we choose to stay in that energy then the harm continues indefinitely and colors many of our decisions. If we choose to forgive and learn, then the harm that was arising from that situation ceases to exist.

]]> By: Tomas Stonkus http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-109 Tomas Stonkus Wed, 11 Nov 2009 01:05:03 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-109 Linda: Every negative experience brings a valuable lesson. The only thing is that we refuse to learn it or sometimes we do not see what and why we are supposed to learn something. I know it may sounds too good to be true or just idealistic for you to believe in it, but I truly believe in it. How do you explain murder, rape, poverty, hunger? I do not know have the answer to those questions, yet I know that every event is the outcome of series of decisions that we have made in our life in a given environment. Lesson is always there, it is just up to us to find it. Look at your worst experiences in life and ask yourself what you have to be grateful for and what you can learn from. Just believe that there is always something to learn and to be grateful for and you will find it. Best, Tomas Linda:

Every negative experience brings a valuable lesson. The only thing is that we refuse to learn it or sometimes we do not see what and why we are supposed to learn something.

I know it may sounds too good to be true or just idealistic for you to believe in it, but I truly believe in it. How do you explain murder, rape, poverty, hunger? I do not know have the answer to those questions, yet I know that every event is the outcome of series of decisions that we have made in our life in a given environment.

Lesson is always there, it is just up to us to find it. Look at your worst experiences in life and ask yourself what you have to be grateful for and what you can learn from. Just believe that there is always something to learn and to be grateful for and you will find it.

Best,
Tomas

]]> By: Tomas Stonkus http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-108 Tomas Stonkus Wed, 11 Nov 2009 00:55:57 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-108 Hey Oleg: Living in the present is key to regaining control in your life. Also, you only control you and what happens within you, let go of what is outside of your control and focus your energy on yourself. Great perspective on loving your greatest enemies - just let it be. Forgive them and just let them be and tune your brain into the positive tune that your mind is playing somewhere:) Thanks for another insightful perspective. Best, Tomas Hey Oleg:

Living in the present is key to regaining control in your life. Also, you only control you and what happens within you, let go of what is outside of your control and focus your energy on yourself.

Great perspective on loving your greatest enemies – just let it be. Forgive them and just let them be and tune your brain into the positive tune that your mind is playing somewhere:)

Thanks for another insightful perspective.

Best,
Tomas

]]> By: Linda http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-107 Linda Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:07:46 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-107 I have one question about #8; do you suppose that every negative experience brings about a valuable lesson, or only some? How does this work?? I have one question about #8; do you suppose that every negative experience brings about a valuable lesson, or only some? How does this work??

]]> By: Oleg Mokhov http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-106 Oleg Mokhov Tue, 10 Nov 2009 19:34:10 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-106 Hey Tom, The past is just that - it's not part of your reality, but a part of history. So don't let it be a part of who you are. It's impossible to change what already happened, so why let it control your present? You hit the nail on the head by pointing out we can't control the past. It happened, and we can't change it. People who continue to cling or dwell on the past are giving away control. You reclaim control of your life by realizing what you pointed out - that the past is what it is, for better or for worse. Accept that it happened and let it go. Are you not happy of what happened in the past? The only thing you CAN do--what you can control--is to reclaim control and live the present as best you can, so that when it becomes the past, you'll be happier with it. Best, Oleg PS. Regarding the love thing in the comments - I don't think you have to love something after time has passed. You can just not give away your energy by actively disliking or hating it. Simply let it be. I used to hate certain styles of music for being so popular on the radio, but these days I couldn't care less what's playing. I don't love all styles of radio music, I just don't actively hate them. I focus on what I do love and just accept and let be (ie. be neutral, indifferent, unemotionally invested in) those styles I'm not a fan of. Hey Tom,

The past is just that – it’s not part of your reality, but a part of history. So don’t let it be a part of who you are. It’s impossible to change what already happened, so why let it control your present?

You hit the nail on the head by pointing out we can’t control the past. It happened, and we can’t change it. People who continue to cling or dwell on the past are giving away control. You reclaim control of your life by realizing what you pointed out – that the past is what it is, for better or for worse. Accept that it happened and let it go.

Are you not happy of what happened in the past? The only thing you CAN do–what you can control–is to reclaim control and live the present as best you can, so that when it becomes the past, you’ll be happier with it.

Best,
Oleg

PS. Regarding the love thing in the comments – I don’t think you have to love something after time has passed. You can just not give away your energy by actively disliking or hating it. Simply let it be. I used to hate certain styles of music for being so popular on the radio, but these days I couldn’t care less what’s playing. I don’t love all styles of radio music, I just don’t actively hate them. I focus on what I do love and just accept and let be (ie. be neutral, indifferent, unemotionally invested in) those styles I’m not a fan of.

]]> By: Tomas Stonkus http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-105 Tomas Stonkus Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:49:42 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-105 Would I right away? Probably not. Would I eventually? Probably. The right thing to do is to forgive anybody who has ever caused you harm, otherwise you set yourself up for suffering. Just like I mentioned that the past does not exist anymore. It is all in your head. It's up to you how you deal with the change in your current life. Would I right away? Probably not. Would I eventually? Probably. The right thing to do is to forgive anybody who has ever caused you harm, otherwise you set yourself up for suffering.

Just like I mentioned that the past does not exist anymore. It is all in your head. It’s up to you how you deal with the change in your current life.

]]> By: queenzenobia108 http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/comment-page-1/#comment-104 queenzenobia108 Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:45:29 +0000 http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515#comment-104 what if your mom got murdered by somebody (btw this didn't happen to me-just an example), would you love the murderer? what if your mom got murdered by somebody (btw this didn’t happen to me-just an example), would you love the murderer?

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