There are two important and closely related concepts that Joker touches upon in the movie Dark Knight: control and expectations. He knew something that most of the population either was not aware of or chose to ignore. The Joker used that knowledge to create chaos in people’s lives. I am going to discuss those two concepts- control and expectations -so that you can avoid “a Joker” playing a joke on your life. So let’s us find out why The Joker was right:
About Control
“Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it. You know, I just… do things. The mob has plans, the cops have plans, Gordon’s got plans. You know, they’re schemers. Schemers trying to control their little worlds. I’m not a schemer. I try to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are.” – The Joker
Do you have a plan? Most of us do have an idea of what we want to do and where we want to go in life. Why do we plan? The simple answer is - most people like to be in control. They like to be in control of their lives, of other people people and events around them. People like to plan things to feel in control of their destiny. There is nothing inherently wrong with that.
Issues arise when people start believing in the illusion that they can control things outside of themselves. A different scenario is when people start thinking that they should control events outside of themselves. When individuals do so, people are faced with forces like “the Joker”, who wants ” to show the schemers how pathetic their attempts to control things really are”. After all, the Joker, is just a metaphor for everything that is uncontrollable in our lives.
We have to remember that the only thing we are in control of are ourselves. Nothing that is outside of you is under your control. If you think that it is, then you are believing the illusion.
If want to eliminate “the Joker” from our lives, then we have to focus on ourselves and let the outside world be the way it is. Does that mean that we have to stop planning our lives and just go with the flow? In a sense, yes. We just have to be certain that the flow is taking us towards the right direction in our lives.
There is an old expression saying: “Many roads lead to Rome”. So find your road Rome and go for it. Do not worry if you get knocked off your path. Find a different way to get there. Instead of having a structured plan, have a direction in life. Know where you are going and that you are going to get there. Trust yourself. Develop the tools within you to maximize the opportunities to get to where you going. This way you will avoid wasting energy on the unnecessary events and emotions in your life and focus on what to truly matters.
About Expectations
“You know what I’ve noticed? Nobody panics when things go “according to plan.” Even if the plan is horrifying! If, tomorrow, I tell the press that, like, a gang banger will get shot, or a truckload of soldiers will be blown up, nobody panics, because it’s all “part of the plan.” But when I say that one little old mayor will die, well then everyone loses their minds! ” -The Joker
Expectations create ups and downs in our lives. If our expectations are met, then we don’t even notice that. The only time, people really notice anything is if their expectations are not met or they are exceeded. In a sense having expectations is like gambling. You never know when you are going to win and when you are going to loose. It is great when our expectations are exeeded, but it is really dissapointing when they are not met.
How do we deal with that? We should stop havng expectations about the outside world. Setting expectation about something that you cannot control will once again cause suffering, disappointment and other negative emotions.
When you set expectations for yourself, you know that even if you don’t meet your own expectations, you will know exactly where to turn for the solution. You will become empowered about your own life. The outside events won’t affect you as much, you will be able to lead a calmer and a more fulfilling life. So let go of the expectations and turn your attention inwards.
Moreover, setting expectations outside of ourselves can cause us to lose the true of picture of what is going on around. Instead of seeing for something for what it is, we start just reacting to things emotionally.It is similar to connecting your emotions to the stock market: you are happy when the market is up, you are sad when the market is down; you are sad, when the market is up, but by not as much as it should have been up, you are happy, when that market is down, but not by as much as you expected.
That roller coaster impairs our judgment and understanding of the reality around us. So do not listen for what others expect, so that when things go or don’t go like they are supposed, you will be able to maintain mental clarity. You will be able to be ahead of everybody else and lead a more fulfilling life.
In short, do not set expectation outside of yourself; set them for yourself. Do not try to control what is uncontrolable; the only thing you can control is yourself. Become aware of who you are and what are about and you will lead a rich life.
15 Comments
Correct me if I’ve interpreted your article falsely. you say that we shouldn’t hold expectations of others. But, aren’t holding expectations a means to labeling relationships. You expect something from a friend. You expect something from a mother or a father. You expect something from an acquaintance. So then how do you draw a line or define relationships without expectations?
You set expectations for yourself only and you accept other people as they are, otherwise it leads to various issues.
Do the best that you can in the relationship and let other person behave as they may. Why? Because you will in the end up trying to change the person of who they really are.
It does not mean that you cannot have an opinion of what they do or say or suggestions on how to improve, but it means focusing and setting the highest bar for youself and doing the most you can for the relationship.
If the other person/people don’t appreciate then just let them go and let them be.
If you put two people together who are setting the highest expectations for themselves, you will have an outstanding relationship with anybody.
Hey Eduard:
A pleasurable visit as always. I have to admit, The Dark Knight was a really powerful movie and the quotes from the above are some of the most memorable ideas from the movie.
Best,
Tomas
You lead by example. :)
elaborate further please.
i like that :)
Hey Oleg!
Great application of the the principles described in the article. Unfortunately, most people will never be able to make this leap. I wonder why the illusion of control is embedded in our minds?
Best,
Tomas
I love the Joker character, so I just had to comment this post. He’s weird, but one very life smart guy. Those to ideas about expectations and control, pure genius in my perspective.
Eduard
Hey Tom,
The best way to improve a relationship is to focus on bettering yourself, not trying to control the other person (which is futile).
Like you mentioned, the only thing you can control is yourself. So instead of trying to control others to fit your needs or see a certain version of yourself, just focus on improving yourself instead. Have a bad habit you don’t want people to see? Instead of trying to control people to see or deal with you in a certain way, just work on eliminating that bad habit. It’s the only thing you can control and do GUARANTEED.
I see this all the time in romantic relationships. Ego and jealousy always get in the way of a potentially awesome relationship. Hey guy, instead of worrying about whether your girl is sneaking around behind your back, put all that energy into bettering yourself. You’re improving the one thing you have complete control of, and the side effect is your girl will become more attracted to this better version of you – thus eliminating any chance of her getting romantically involved with someone else.
And if she still isn’t in love with you, then it’s not a right match for this type of relationship, so just let it be and find more compatible mates. Because again, you ultimately can’t control her and how she feels about you. You can only control making a better version of you and having that attract the right people.
Nice quote from the Joker. It was my favorite lines from the film,
Oleg
The Joker is truly a fascinating character (especially the interpretation in this film). Its interesting that a very similar character appears in the mythologies of multiple cultures. The figure was known as “the Trickster” and his role was specifically important in Native American traditions.
“Many native traditions held clowns and tricksters as essential to any contact with the sacred. People could not pray until they had laughed, because laughter opens and frees from rigid preconception. Humans had to have tricksters within the most sacred ceremonies for fear that they forget the sacred comes through upset, reversal, surprise. The trickster in most native traditions is essential to creation, to birth”.
I think this parallels a lot of the observations that Tom has made about the Joker.
Hey Alex:
Very interesting point. I was not even aware of that such figure existed in that many cultures. Come to think about the trickster shows up in many cultures in one shape or another.
It almost exists there to laugh in our face and ask: “Why so serious?” Come to think about it, that line is so true and probably very misinterpreted. See, life is not that serious at all and we should not take is such, because every time we do take life to seriously and try to control it, the life will laugh back at our face and trick us to realize how trivial everything is.
Huh. I think I just got the real message of the Joker :)
Thanks Alex:)
Visit more often, you seem to have a very unique take on things.
Best,
Tomas
I love this article, but it saddens me to accept the reality of it. I have searched my life for someone I can have expectations of. “Do unto others as you want done unto yourself”. I have found that people put higher value on their own wants, needs, and desires than the hearts and feelings of others. Story of my life, they get their cake and eat it too… I only wish life could be more transparent and truthful, where you can truly know what is in the hearts and minds of others so you can find someone truly compatible, and not living a life of deception. Not only do we waste what little time we have on this earth, but you waste the life of others.
Dear orion40m:
I am glad you enjoyed the article, but unfortunately it is true that one cannot have expectations of others. Life is ever changing. You cannot expect stability from something that’s changing.
It is seems to me that you experiences deal not as much as having wrong expectations of others, but having others walk over you. That is a different problem entirely. It has to do with giving away your power. So you kind of have to learn to realize to keep your power for yourself sometimes and have trust in yourself always. Try it.
It will work.
Best,
Tomas
Please humor me, I wrote the following poem many years ago in which this article reminded me of.
The Joker (Written years ago)
I was thinking about the world and all it’s surroundings.
I was thinking about the people and all their belongings.
Is it real? Or just an illusion in someone’s mind?
Are we just pawns in someone’s game?
Put into this existence for someone’s pleasure?
To love to live,
to live to die?
To hope to laugh,
To learn to cry?
Hoping for truth,
Given a lie?
Longing for love,
Feelings of shame?
Nothing to lose,
Nothing to gain?
Longing for pleasure,
Living in vain.
I hope this person is watching and enjoying his game.
Why fight it?
The joker is wild, I am in pain.
That’s a poem! But I think life has much more join in it than pain, only if you look for it :)
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