Do things for the wrong reasons to start doing things for the right reasons!
I guess you could call it unconventional wisdom, but I was never a very conventional person. My life did not turn out to be conventional. Sometimes I wish it did, but then sometimes I am grateful it did not. Since I live an unconventional life, I have some pretty unconventional experiences and thoughts. For example, I like to do the opposite; I like to confront people; I like to disregard social norms. I don’t do it on purpose, but it just so happens.
And, it just so happens that I came across this unconventional idea of doing things for the wrong reasons to start doing things for the right reasons!
Right and wrong are very illusive concepts, yet most people seem to understand them just fine. By right reasons I mean doing things because of the goodness of your heart, doing a selfless act, doing things because you should do them. By wrong reason I mean doing things for selfish reasons that benefits only you and does not have the direct benefit to the other person.
People will tell you that you should do things for the right reasons. They will tell you to do nice things to others because that is what you are supposed to do. People will tell you that you should volunteer because you will be helping others. They will tell you to treat others with respect because everybody deserves it. People will remind you not to judge others because you do not know their story! And the list goes on. Do this and do that.
Have you ever felt like you didn’t want to be nice to every person you met? Have you felt like you couldn’t care less about what you said to others? Have ever felt like all of those rules just had no meaning at all? I know I have. I rebelled against them. It was a quiet revolution. I would refuse to do the little things that I thought were just plain stupid. For example, I always felt that I was entitled to my own opinion about anything and anybody; I hated keeping my mouth shut about certain topics; I was terrible at hiding my true feelings of dissatisfaction with certain people.
Fair enough, all of those things made me seem like a very negative person and I started to see that it was affecting my social and personal life. It was a bad situation. Yet, I could not do something if I did not see the reason for doing it. Even if I did know the reason for doing something, if it did not make sense to me, I still would not act in a socially desired way.
It was up to me to make up good reasons for doing things that I should already be doing. So I did. I made up a ton of selfish reasons to do things that I did not see any reason in doing. Here are some examples:
- Socialize in order open up more opportunities for myself.
- Volunteer because it looks good on my resume
- Help others because you could ask them for favors later
- Be friendly and nice to others because you never know who knows who
- Write a blog because I can make money from it
- Etc.
And I started doing those things because of the reasons listed above. At first, it felt weird doing it and it actually did not feel right. I felt like I was cheating myself and that I was just using others. However, over time, I started realizing the actual purpose and reasons for doing things I did not see a reason to do. For example, I started being nice to all of my friends and even strangers because I know how important it is to lend a helping hand when somebody is in need and how much of a difference that can make in somebody’s life. Some might argue that helping somebody makes me feel good and that is my selfish reason for doing. Yet, I am doing things because it helps the other person and it might just be a way for nature to tell us that we are going in the right direction.
So go ahead out there and start doing things for the wrong reasons to start doing them for the right reasons! Just be aware that there is a right reason for doing things and go out with a purpose of eventually doing the right things for the right reasons.
QUESTION: Have you ever done anything for the wrong reasons to find yourself doing the same thing for the right reasons?
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Image: Flickr
10 Comments
Hey Tomas,
I see your point. As you do things because of one motivation, you might end up discovering another motivation, which is even better. This is why I believe in general in just exploring, trying stuff out. For the right reason, the wrong reason, and sometimes for no reason. :)
Eduard
Hey Eduard:
Thanks for reading! Yea, sometimes it is good to do things for no reason! However, this goes more along the lines of fake it until you make it :)
Best,
Tomas
Oh, how you remind me of myself many years ago! I’ve quit asking the “why” these days. If someone needs help and it’s in my power, then I just go ahead and try to help. You have constructed a way of life that brings it’s own rewards. However, it is possible to get caught in a trap of doing too much sometimes. We also have to learn to honor ourselves and if that means saying no, then do be ready for that as well. We are taught so many judgements on how we are supposed to feel about things, rather than it is just appropriate. I think most of us could live with that and not have to take on all the guilt of un-necessary feelings surrounding the issue.
Nancy!
Thank you for visiting once again! I love your always fresh perspective on my articles. I am still asking why, because I feel like I need to know why I am doing things. There is nothing more scary to me than doing things without a purpose.
And yes, we can take on too many things to do and limiting yourself is crucial!
Thank you for visiting, Nancy!
Best,
Tomas
Hey Tom,
Fascinating strategy. Focus on doing something for one reason in the beginning, and eventually it will transform into another reason.
I actually feel that the wrong reasons you suggest are the right reasons :)
Being selfish is a good thing – you focus on what pleases and benefits you most, which makes you try the hardest at what you do. The result will end up benefiting people more, since you were most passionate and enthusiastic, rather than a half-hearted attempt that results in only sorta-good stuff. No one wants a half-assed volunteer, product, blog, etc.
Selfish doesn’t have to mean tangible benefits for yourself, either – it can be psychological and emotional. Like, you should volunteer to a cause that makes you feel great for donating your time, not one that people tell you is “right.” Your primary objective in volunteering would be to feel good about yourself, but you’re still doing the work, and the receivers of your actions end up benefiting from that value. And much more so than if you weren’t as into it and did mediocre work.
When you’re selfish, everyone involved wins.
Here’s to being “wrong” (which is actually right ;) ),
Oleg
Hey Oleg:
Seems like you are talking about the invisible hand. Actually, going on my previous article about disagreeing, I might have to disagree :)
I believe that doing what is best for others is the best way of doing things. If every body does what is better for others, then naturally, you will get the most benefit from other people.
Although, I could go into more detail, I will just let you think about that one. Let me know what you think.
Best,
Tomas
Tom: I feel selfishness isn’t all-or-nothing. You can be selfish AND greatly help others out. So I actually agree with you that the world is better when we help each other out. I just see it that you can focus on what YOU want and also end up helping others at the same time.
I help someone out because I feel good afterwards, but that person still receives the benefit, doesn’t he? And if I wasn’t excited to help, then I’d give a half-assed attempt, and the person won’t receive as great a benefit.
This also makes sense from a business standpoint. The best companies and products were selfish. People creating stuff to solve their own problems. Twitter team needed a way to stay updated amongst themselves. Steve Jobs of Apple wanted a better phone + music player in his pocket. But because other people also had those problems, they got to benefit with great products/services/etc.
Businesses that purely focus on what the customer wants rarely innovate or create greatness. Before Ford and cars, if you asked people what they wanted, they would’ve said “a faster horse-drawn carriage.” :)
You’re writing your blog because you like it, right? But it also helps others. Same for me and my site Lifebeat. Even if no one was reading I’d keep creating it for myself, as a publicly-accountable journal of sorts.
Anyway, selfishness, helping others, and so forth can differ in definitions for each person. The important thing is, in our own way, we enjoy what we do and help others inevitably as well.
Best,
Oleg
Hey Oleg:
I just proved my own point that disagreements create value because I sure did learn a lot from reading your response.
Mainly that innovation lies within the hand of the creator and that “customers” might not even know that they want something until it is out there.
I guess the fusion of the ideas of selfishness and service to others would be this: “Be selfish for the sake of others’ benefit”
Life is full of paradoxes it seems. Thanks for adding value to my worldview.
Sincerely,
Tomas
Great post. I see you keep going and I find it impressive that you keep coming up with these amazing ideas for the post.
My 2 cents on this post: from personal experience and all the readings I have done, I learned that in business you always start with one goal in mind, but as you progress and learn, your business/idea keeps changing. Best of all, its great that such progression happens, because it improves your idea/business. So for example you might start with an idea for an apartment listing website as your business, and after about 2 years you will end up honing in on the idea of an auction system for renting apartments(real life example here). Hard to see the contrast in words, but technically two very different ideas. And the latter was uncovered only by “doing the right thing for the wrong reason”. Well perhaps it wasn’t the “wrong” reason per se, but it was a different reason than the one that was we initially set out do achieve.
Thanks for being such a “religious” poster and please keep going. This blog is looking really great!
Hey Karolis:
Thank you for a great comment and for the motivation to keep going! It means a lot to me because I this way I know what I am reaching somebody and helping them grow in any way possible.
I loved your example of how even in business the original ideas morph into something new and different from what was originally planned. Right and wrong reasons seem to be very dependent on the circumstances and on the perspective of each individual person.
Seems like it is important to just keep going and DO something neither for right or wrong reason but for the right ends.
Thanks for visiting and reading!
Best,
Tomas