Change is inevitable. Change permeates our daily lives. The nature of life is change.
Let it sink. It will be important.
These are some of the ways that people deal with change in their lives:
- Some are not aware of the changes going on in their lives and do not even take the time to think about it
- Some are aware of changes and try to change the things that are out of their control
- Some are aware of changes and try to change the things that are with their control
All of us will find ourselves belonging to a mixture of the above groups. Which one can you identify yourself with the most? Which of the three groups leads the most rewarding and fulfilling life? Do you belong to that group? If not, why?
If I had to answer the above question, I would say that people who are aware of changes going on in their lives and who focus on changing the things that are within their control would lead the most fulfilling life. I would say that they do not waste energy on the things that are out of their reach and focus on things that they have control over therefore doing more in the given amount of time. It comes down to simple economics of life: we have limited amount of time and we have to use wisely to get the most out of life.
Then I would want to know how I can become part of that group.
Here is the recipe. In order to lead a fulfilling life, you will need three main ingredients: awareness, acceptance, concentration.
Awareness. You will need to become aware of the changes that are going on throughout life. Our bodies change, our thoughts change, our friends change, the economy changes, the weather changes, the jobs change, our environment changes. Once you become aware and identify them, your life seem much more interesting and much more complex. However, the danger is that you will want to control everything around you. You will want some things to change and others to stay constant. That is a mistake!
Acceptance. That is why acceptance is the next crucial step. You must learn to accept that certain changes are out of your control! I will repeat this again, because it is that important: you must learn to accept the things that are out of your control. Here are some examples: the economy is out of your control, the weather is out of your control, other people are out of your control, your aging body is out of your control. If you learn to accept that some things are out of your control, then you will be able to spend more time and energy on the things that you can control. The biggest challenge here is to clearly distinguish between the changes within your control and outside of your control.
Concentration. Once you have became aware, identified and accepted the things within and without your control, it is crucial to maintain concentration on the things, which you can control. Many times, you will be tempted to spend energy on the things that you cannot control. That will do nothing but make you feel like the victim of this world. Resist the temptation and just remind yourself that simply there are things which you cannot control and refocus on the right changes in your life which you can control. Some of the examples would be your thoughts, your habits, you actions, your effort, your ethics and your morals.
I have to continuously remind myself and go through all of three steps above to continue leading a fulfilling life. One of the biggest areas that I have used the above approach on is trying to change other people. I used to think that people should be the way I want them to be and that I should be able to change them to my liking. I was getting horrible results! So much resentment, so much anger and negative emotions in general! It took me a while to realize that changing other people are out of my control. Once I accepted that fact it was much easier to accept other people for who they were! Now and then I have remind myself of the above facts, but the more I do it the more natural it becomes!
QUESTION: What is the hardest thing to accept in your life?
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10 Comments
I learned a long time ago I can’t change anybody but myself, and sometimes that can be very difficult. Change is a difficult concept to accept, but understanding it doesn’t have to take place in the next 5 minutes will help in the journey.
Dear Jason:
Accepting change is one of the most difficult things to do.
I wonder why people cling to the idea of control of the uncontrollable so much? Why do we want things we can’t have? Is it because it represent an ultimate challenge?
I wish I knew the answers to that. With that knowledge it would be much easier to accept change in our lives. Maybe change defies our lives because it challenges the purpose of existence and the meaning of life and reality?
I do not know, but, Jason, if you ever stumble on the answer: please share it with the rest of us :)
Best,
Tomas
VERY powerful message and extremely timely….
This is an excerpt from one of my recent blog posts on acceptance:
Life is a puzzle, one that has millions of pieces which represent experiences that have taken place in your world. Similar to how a puzzle needs all of its pieces to be complete, your life needs all of the experiences for you to grow and establish your personal BRANDENTITY. Some of these experiences will be ones that you cherish for a lifetime, and others will represent areas of your life that you resent, such as a difficult upbringing, arguments with in-laws, a horrible marriage, or mistakes from the past. But what I encourage you to realize is that until you learn to accept what you are still holding onto, there will be no room for positive experiences in the NOW.
Here is the link for the entire article: http://www.jaredyellin.com/2009/12/poa/
Hey Jared:
Thanks for sharing! It is true that holding on to things in past is very destructive. The best and the most effective way to let go of negative experiences of the past is to take away lessons, which we can use to live in the now!
It seems that we just need to learn a different way of thinking and looking at the world all together to live a fulfilling life.
Best,
Tomas
Great post, change is inevitable so at least let’s make it work for us!
Hey Oscar:
Thank you so much for the comment!
Accepting and embracing change, seems like you got the gist of the blog in one comment :)
Best,
Tomas
I grew up in the generation where the only change in life was to strive for upward mobility. We all became victims of this and thought it was an inherent right. Some of us achieved it and some did not. However, for many of us we thought once we were there it could only go up, up up or at least remain stable.
Once that idea began to disintegrate, many of my generation floundered and this is still happening all around us today. The suicide rate is up, people are losing their pensions, homes, etc. The idea of unchanging stability and all it encompasses is on shaking ground now. How we handle it remains to be seen. That’s why your article is so timely and important today.
My life over the years have been defined by change. It is always difficult in some ways, but when you learn to accept that change is inevitable it becomes easier. Therefore, the fact of change is often out of my control, but how I handle it is my responsibility. One of the things I notice in my age group is that so many want to turn back the clock, and live in the past. In other words, they try to have the best of what life has offered them and are still unprepared for major/minor change. It becomes traumatic and there are often dire consequences for those who cannot change their own mindset.
In the end, I have come to believe that change is the best motivator that I have. Otherwise, I would become rigid and inflexible. Therefore, I try and accept change when it comes my way and I try and create change for the better wherever possible.
Nancy:
Thank you so much for sharing such personal thoughts. I really appreciate it. It made think about my life and how I catch myself thinking and living in the past already.
It’s a dangerous trap, which prevents us from moving forward and learning more about life. It stops us from living. What is really the point of reliving the past if you are only taking up time which you could use to move forward?
“In the end, I have come to believe that change is the best motivator that I have. ” – love it. Without change life would be pointless ( at least in my opinion), but I think an even better word to describe a purposeful life would be progress.
We have to keep moving and to keep on learning! We have to learn from our experiences and teach others so that they can move one step closer to living a harmonious life.
Thank you for sharing, Nancy, I really appreciate your deep and thoughtful comments.
Best,
Tomas
Great writing and thoughts. Change is good but it can be scarey too, especially for people who aren’t used to change.
The hardest thing for me is stopping trying to change others. Or even wishing they would change. They can only change themselves, we should only try to change ourselves.
I’m pretty happy with my progress but it’s always good to read reminders that keep us on track. Thanks!
Dear Annabel:
Change IS scary! That is why many people do not take conscious steps to change things in their lives! It is scary!
Maybe that is why when you try to change other people, you just scare them off? Maybe that is why they are so reluctant to change; maybe they really understand that they should take control of themselves, but that thought just scares them of, especially when they realize that others see it as well! Maybe they start thinking that they are vulnerable and try to cover up by resisting to change even more?
You are welcome, Annabel! I hope you had a great New Year! I am excited to see what it brings for you and your blog!
Best,
Tomas
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