After a while, I just get bored of some things. I do.
I get bored hearing about the same old issues and problems and people never doing anything about them. If I had a TV show and I had a segment called “What Grinds My Gears”, people with never ending same old issues would be on that segment. No doubt!
What grinds my gears even more is the excuse that the same people use: “Well, you know…my life just kind of got in the way! You know how it is!” And then they would go on babbling about work, family, kids, homework, “rough” weekends and so on. Yea, I understood it. I understood a while ago. But then I stopped understanding because the same people would end up talking to me again, telling me how the life got in the way.
Yuk.
I used to be one of those people. I know – GROSS!
Thankfully, I stopped. I got tired of hearing myself complain about the same old things, trying to resolve issues or achieve new goals, but then end up seeing “life getting in the way”! So I did three things: 1) I shut my mouth 2)took responsibility away from “life” onto myself 3)looked for ways to create a life which would help me solve my issues. Matter of fact, to this I try not ever to share any negative news with other people. I just deal with them on my own. If I do reach out, it is just to ask for advice, but not to whine to them about my problems.
So, what about you? Does your life get in the way? Do you want to:
- get a new job
- lose weight
- go on a vacation
- wake up early
- start working out
- start saving money
- read a book
- learn something new
- go live in a new country
- go skydiving
- learn to dance
- start dating
Well, do you? Have you tried achieving any of those things, but then life just got in the way?I am sorry, but I have no pity for you.
Life just does not get in the way, you let it.
How? Simple; you probably make dumb decisions and instead of taking the responsibility on your own shoulders, you just blame life for getting in the way.
Let’s take a look at somebody who wants to start working out. He makes it his New Year’s resolution: “I am going to go to the gym four days a week: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday.” Right on! The first week goes by, he is still at it. The second week gets tougher, but he still pushes on. Then, the third week comes around. Not so good. He started missing his workouts and before he knew it, he stopped working out all together.
Friends: ” What happened, man?”
Him: “You know. Life just kind of got in the way.”
Friends: “What do you mean?”
Him: “You know. The work started to kick in. I have to work late and then after work I don’t want to do anything. My brain is fried!”
Friends: “Right…”
Him: “Yea! I just couldn’t keep up. You know how hard it is, right?
Friends: “Yea!”
Him: “Then I have to watch my favorite shows and then I have to go out with my friends, socialize, etc. And then, I have to run all of these errands! So, I just said screw this! I want to have a normal life, so I stopped. Maybe next year I won’t be as busy with life.”
Friends: “Yea, man. You will have your chance!”
Just writing that, brought back unpleasant memories.
If life gets in the way, then it is all your fault, because you have created the life that you have. Furthermore, if you let life get in the way, then you probably do not want to solve an issue or achieve a goal bad enough.
That is all there is to it.
Just admit that to yourself. Admit it! If it is something that REALLY is bothering you, then do something about it in way that won’t let your life get in the way. Oh, I almost forgot. Here is how:
- Shut up. Stop complaining to others about how hard you try and how life just gets in the way. Nobody cares. You just waste your own time and others. Instead, if you are going to talk to somebody about your issues, be precise. State the issue and ask for advice of how to accomplish it. Consider the advice and try putting it into action. If it doesn’t work, move onto something different.
- Take responsibility. Life is never at fault. You are responsible for your life. You make the decisions that get you were you are right now. This might be a really hard thing to do. Taking responsibility is never easy, but this will put the control back into your hands. Life will not, randomly, get in your way. You will be able to look at yourself and look for the best ways to solve this problem. So, empower yourself by taking responsibility.
- Reorganize your life. If you have done the above steps, then you will realize that much work needs to be done. It might be simply summed up in the following: eliminate what you do not like and start doing what you like. It will have something to do with eliminating negative habits, people, environments, or things that “prevent” you from doing what you want. It will be hard, but you can do it. After that, you will have all of this free time to fill with things that you want to do. Just make sure, they are the things that you really want to do. This process will be pointless if you will have no real reasons for doing any of the things you said you wanted to do. Simple fact is that some people are just too comfortable with their lives to change anything about them.
So next time you hear yourself or your friends saying that life got in their way, just smack them on the head and tell them to take the responsibility to their own hands! Or just send them to this blog for some verbal head-smacking. Do whichever you are more comfortable with.
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Image: remuz [Jack The Ripper]
16 Comments
‘Life gets in the way’ – very funny and suggestive phrasing Tomas.
Like you say, this is what happens when you do not take responsibly for your life and how you use it. When you let distractions and obstacles get the better of you.
Eduard
Eduard:
True enough. Like the saying goes: “You gotta grab the bull by the horns”
Hope you are doing great! I cannot wait to read more of your fresh and to the point articles :)
Best,
Tomas
good post! i feel that some people create more stress complaining and procrastinating from accomplishing their goals then actually trying to accomplish them. I heard somewhere that action overrides fear. I feel for most, just getting started and staying consistent is the hardest part of achieving the goal. Have you heard about the Grand Master Principle (I think that is the correct name)? It says that if you work towards accomplishing a goal by doing even the minimum requirement a day, you will master that goal. For example, if you want to finish reading a book, reading even 5 pages a day-everyday-, will help you to get to your goal successfully! I think that most people feel they need to go hard everyday in order to accomplish their goals. They need to run 5 miles and do extensive weight lifting everyday in order to achieve their goals! And, if you new to working out and are trying our an accelerated workout, it is not likely you will stick to it. You will become tired and unmotivated very quickly. Starting slow and working up will help you stay more consistent and, where you are less likely to quit. :)
Zenobia:
I have not heard about the Grand Mater Principle, but I can see why it would work. In essence, you are conditioning yourself to performing that certain action regardless of the time limit or the effort. Overtime, you will just get used to it and small a habit. Very interesting :)
Great comment overall! Consistency is key! But the mistake that most people make is thinking too far in the future about performing a certain activity!When that happens, they relive the experience over and over again before it even happens. That’s a glimpse of the power of living in the now.
Best,
Tomas
Or … real things in one’s real sphere of responsibilities go unattended because of the lame excuse … “I’ve got a life!” … which many times is a simple euphemism for unfulfilled responsibilities. Looking forward to your guest post. You’ve gone BIG with this one and, I’ll risk, have said it well to many people.
Oh, and black and blue swelling from the 2×4 board hitting upside my head will be fine soon
!!
QwkDrw:
Thank you for the support! I means so much to me! I am trying to take on more risky topics and speak out about what really drives as opposed to recycling the same old knowledge found everywhere else around the net :)
I am sorry about the swelling! I hope you get better soon! I am sure there is an interesting story behind that :) Talking about injuries, I managed to burn my fingers by grabbing a hot place from under the oven, one might think that I can do better than this at this age!
Thanks for the comment!
Best,
Tomas
Great article Tomas! I wish I had been gifted with that wisdom of yours at your age! However, it’s never too late to learn or begin something new. I fully expect you to become one or our leading sages in a few years!
Nancy!
You are so right! Never too late to start learning something new! I do not know if this is wisdom yet, but I definitely have some experience around which I can base my articles, otherwise what weight would they carry? Yet, I am sure I cannot even compete with the wisdom with which you have accumulated in your life. You have many and very unique and thought provoking things to say!
I am not sure if I will be a sage, but I thank you for the compliment :) It made me fell good :)
Thanks, Nancy!
Another way of expressing “life gets in the way,” is “we are responsible for creating the life that gets in the way.”
Meaning, if we want to change our reality then we need to change our choices.
Good stuff here,
Alex
Hey Alex:
Thanks for stopping by! I am glad you enjoyed the article :)
I love they way you summed it all up. I have a great insight to life that relates to decisions: “What we are today is the sum of all of the decisions that we have made in our lifetime” So if we want who we will be in the future, start making different choices today :)
Best,
Tomas
Life is made up of a bazillion choices each day. Every moment we all have the opportunity to choose to live according to how we truly want to. Sometimes we must push ourselves a little, sometimes we must put the body into action even though the brain is saying something else. Nice post :)
Dear B:
Thanks for the visit and the comment!
“we must put the body into action even though the brain is saying something else” – and I thought I was the only one struggling with this one! I experience this at its “best” in the morning. Sometimes you have this internal battle going on in your head where one side says to be wake up and the other one starts reasoning with you how nice and warm the bed is.
At least, I know that I am not crazy :)
On a different but related note: our schools do not teach enough the kids on how to make choices. Because of that I believe that many people end up making many poor choices in their life and then end up blaming their life for getting in the way!
Best,
Tomas
Yes. I found myself mouthing the word “yes” or mumbling “uhu” under my breath. I can’t begin to tell you how frustrating it is to not only see friends do this … only to realise you’ve done it yourself – and still do it.
What a waste of being alive.
So – I stopped. About 2 years ago.
I got out of a good but useless job. I now work in a field I enjoy and get paid for it!
I stopped saying “I have a book in me” and started my blog to hon my craft.
I left a stable and comfy relationship and found the Lover and partner of my dreams the love of my life.
I did a friend autopsy and got rid of the nay Sayers and negative influences in my life.
Now I am downsizing and embracing minimalism.
Amazing how life – when you LIVE it – can be so utterly rewarding.
I believe we let life get in the way … because 90% of us don’t know who we are …. if you don’t know who you are … then how can you focus on what you need (or even want)?
Fantasia Lillith:
We all do it. It’s part of being human. We are not robots. Yet, if we are just aware of the fact that we can change our lives for the better, then we will.
Just like you did. You have done some incredible things and broke all the rules in the society. You left a comfortable relationship, cut out negative people from your life and are still downsizing your life. All of those things take a lot of courage and strength. I would like to commend you for that because it only shows that everything can be done if we really want to.
A better life stars with one becoming aware that there is a better life.
Thank you for visiting and leaving your thoughts Lillith!
Best,
Tomas
Tomas Stonkus,
Well crafted article. Though it’s simple, practical and seem ordinary, however, it is these little things that we often neglect in practice. I know I am one of the victims of “life got in the way” on certain aspects of my life. But it is great to reminded every once in a while that we are ultimately the ones that dictate the little things in our lives.
This article tastefully reminded me the concept of “ownership” that I learned in almost every business class, but never fully practiced in all aspect of my personal life. Good article!
Sincerely,
Tony Yang
Tony:
It is true. We make decisions in our lives. Nobody else. The only power that others have over you is the one we allow them to have. Think about that.
All of those business concepts are true and the more I experience the more I see that they are not just some empty words that business men just throw around. Ownership, creating value and so on. They can be empty concepts if you do not understand them, but there is a lot of power and knowledge behind them if only we allow ourselves to see it.
Best,
Tomas
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