This topic has been on my mind for the last few months. If I were to write it any other time before today, the article would have sounded just like anything else you have ever read before.It would have been about how one should not give away their power and how to make the choices for yourself. It would have been about the ability say “No!” to others as a way of maintaining control over your actions. It would have been about how control over your own actions can bring happiness to your life.
That is exactly the reason why I did not write anything.It is just more of the same old.It is everything everybody has heard before.
More importantly, it might be wrong.
There is nothing worse than misinformation that leads to false expectations, which result in unhappiness. Until today, I held a dare belief that the more control we have over our lives, the happier we are. I believed that we should make our own choices and decide our own destinies no matter what. I believed that until today. I thought that it was the only way to happiness. I believed and I was willing to say so to others.
Today, I realized how wrong I was.
That is exactly the reason why I want to share my newly found understand about control with the rest of you. The inspiration for my newly found knowledge comes from the book “The Art of Choosing”. As it turns out some people actually prefer not to have control over their lives. Yes, you heard it right. Some people prefer to have others make their decisions for them. What is even more interesting is that some people are even happier when they do not have to make decisions for themselves in many aspects of their life. That particular statement almost flipped my world upside down.
It possible once again that less is more and more is less? Is it another obvious truth that we have overlook in the Western societies?
We are lead to believe that more choice is better, that control over your life is good without even considering that fact that those statements are not absolute truths. It is almost like imposing a “one size fits all” approach to happiness. At first glance, it seems to make perfect sense. The more control you, the more choices you can make for yourself and therefore you can create the life that you really want. It does make perfect sense, but not to everybody.
That statement seems to ignore the fact that there are different people who might not want to be completely in control of their lives. It makes a basic premise that we all like control. However, it is not the case. As it turns out, depending on your childhood, your upbringing and your community you might prefer to have less control over your life and be just fine with it. Now, image being a person who prefers subconsciously to have less control in their life over their actions, but living in a society where control and personal choice are being forced down your throat. You might turn out to be very unhappy without even knowing why.
You might end up blaming yourself for being weird or different; and you might even go as far as to say that there is something wrong with you. Nevertheless, the society is just being inconsiderate of your differences. Being in control or not being in control of your own life is neither good nor bad. The old saying “To each his/her own” is as true as ever.
It is only my hope that this knowledge will help you understand others better and appreciate their differences more. It is my hope that you will think twice before imposing your own worldview onto others and realize that even some of the “truths” are just widely held beliefs that vary from culture to culture, country to country, town to town, and person to person.
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6 Comments
I never thought about is this way. This article really did enlighten me as to the type of person my culture, upbringing, and environment molded me into. The most frustrated and confused I have ever been has been my present situation: having the ability to directo my own life. Up until now, academia and education had paved my years and direction. Since the age of two, I have been in school. After kindergarten I knew I was going to elementary school. After elementary school, I knew I was going to middle school, then high school, then college was a must. And now?? Now, I have the world and everything in it in front of me. And, the more I have, the more confused and unhappy I feel. It really should be the opposite way-as people around the world would give anything to be in my position. I should be lucky. But as the saying goes, ignorance really is bliss..sometimes. So the questions becomes: how can endless opportunity and choice be welcomed with joy and gratitude??
Zenobia:
To answer your question, you have to know what you are looking and in sense know yourself a little bit. At the very least, the following truth holds: Action Beats Inaction. Sometimes it is just a matter of choice. The action of choosing will bring you the benefits that otherwise will be hidden from you. One thing that choice always bring is the experience.
Experience usually helps to understand and evaluate yourself even further if you observe how you react to a given situation. And sometimes the best thing to do is to limit your choice. Once you do that, it becomes not so overwhleming and you can easier to decide as to what is best for you.
Best,
Tomas
Some people I’ve met don’t want control over their own life because it implies responsibility over the results. It’s easier to have external elements to blame.
Other people I’ve met don’t want control over their own lives because they were taught to follow and is OK with them, they are perfectly happy with that.
Yet some other people, including myself, want control over their lives as a way to be the captain of their own ship. It feels better but sometimes it is overwhelming since there are more elements to deal with and no one to blame for the results.
At the end, as you said, “to each his/her own” Every person has to find his/her own balance and what works better for them.
Raul
Raul:
It is true. To each is own. Yet, very frequently we somehow feel that our opinion and “truth” is the best and better than anybody else. That is the reason for wars and conflict. Understand and appreciating differences is easier said than done, but it all starts with the awareness of the issue.
Best,
Tomas
The truth is we have never been really in control of our lives. From the beginning of our consciousness we are inculcated with belief systems that we blindly obey. This is the reason why some people are not happy about what they are. It’s not easy to be aware of our true selves. Unless we choose to, we can never know who we really are. To be controlled or not is immaterial, so long as we know who we are. :-)
Walter:
Interesting comment. But my question is this: can we really know who we REALLY are? Further, are we at all? That is, do we really exist, or is this just an illusion created by our minds that harbor the pure consciousness within us? Can we really ever truly the belief systems that control us? Can we really be who we are in isolation without regard to our environment?
Then, how much of our “true” is self is to blame on the environment and how much is it to blame on our genes? Knowing who we really are would be nice, but figuring that out might be more difficult and that is why the question of control might be important after all :)
Best,
Tomas