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	<title>UNCERTAIN CHANGE &#187; Emotional State Of Being</title>
	<atom:link href="http://uncertainchange.com/category/emotional-state-of-being/feed/" rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" />
	<link>http://uncertainchange.com</link>
	<description>Accepting And Embracing Change In Our Lives</description>
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		<title>Law As A Moral Compass Of A Society</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/04/30/law-as-a-moral-compass-of-a-society/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/04/30/law-as-a-moral-compass-of-a-society/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 01 May 2010 04:47:27 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Perspective]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Reality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Responsibility]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=1222</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The recent global financial crisis, which originated in the United, caused a lot of discussion worldwide. There are a variety of topics, which can be discussed, but one that I think deserves the most attention is the law. Law defines what is legal and what is illegal. It tells us the boundaries within which the [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/2250976387_812e3c996d.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1223" title="2250976387_812e3c996d" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/2250976387_812e3c996d.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="375" /></a></p>
<p>The recent global financial crisis, which originated in the United, caused a lot of discussion worldwide. There are a variety of topics, which can be discussed, but one that I think deserves the most attention is the law.</p>
<p>Law defines what is legal and what is illegal. It tells us the boundaries within which the firms and individuals can operate. Law sets up the rules, which we must follow or face consequences otherwise. Consequences are of course a matter of enforcement of the law by the government. Government has the role of an utmost importance: it has to create the laws, interpret the laws and subsequently enforce them.</p>
<p>I am sure what you just read above is nothing new. But have you really thought about the implications of it? Anything that is not defined as being illegal, by default is legal. If the law does not cover it, then you are free to act on it. Furthermore, even if you are acting within the bounds of law, does not make it alright. As Aristotle famously said: &#8220;Law is reason free from passion&#8221;.</p>
<p>When you look back at the event that took place before, during and after the unfolding of the crisis you will not find many people going to jail. The select few where the ones that committed fraud such Bernard Madoff and a couple of others. Everybody else operated with the bounds of law, yet their unethical and almost immoral behavior brought down the global world economy. The only problem is that, for the most part, being and unethical and immoral is not illegal or against the law. There are only select few cases where unethical behavior can be considered illegal.</p>
<p>By everybody, I mean all of the players in the global financial crisis such as: the mortgage originators, the mortgage brokers, the real estate agents, the servicing firms, the insurance companies, the investment banks, the banks, certain regulators who failed to do their job properly and even the media who had a part in feeding the real estate bubble. Nobody did anything that was illegal per say, and not many people went to jail for bringing down the global economy, but they armies of people played a part in the crisis.</p>
<p>The question is, shouldn&#8217;t it be a crime to cripple a global economy? I am not the one to answer that question, but the issues becomes obvious. Behavior that occurs with the bounds of law, is not always moral behavior and might eve have more adverse consequences than certain illegal behavior. For example, it is at banks discretion who it gives out the loans to and there is nothing illegal when you give a loan to somebody that is asking for it. But there is a problem, when you charge that person fees and then turn around and sell the mortgage to be securitized, receive the cash back from the principal and lend out again. None of the above behavior, was illegal, but it put undue risk towards the rest of the society.</p>
<p>But then the question becomes, do we classify immoral or an ethical behavior as illegal? If so, how doe we prove that something is immoral or unethical? Of course there are other ways to discourage immoral or unethical behavior such as setting up incentives against such behavior, but then the ball goes to the governments court. Government, like I mentioned before is the sole player who sets up, interprets and enforces the laws and creates a playing field for the society.</p>
<p>So, then the question becomes, is it the governments fault for setting up faulty rules, which allow personal interests to be put above the society&#8217;s interests?  I think it might be the case. It is a huge responsibility, but it is the only player that has the power and the resources to create a fair playing field for all of the players. Like, I mentioned before, judging which behavior is ethical or immoral can too close of a call, but creating incentives against behavior, which puts the whole society at risk, is something the government should take complete responsibility over.</p>
<p>I understand, that is work in progress and it will a long time before we have perfect system set, if that is going to happen ever at all. In the mean while, I believe it falls on the shoulders of ordinary citizens like you and I, to remember that just because it is legal does not always make it alright and that the true moral compass does not lie within the law, but it lies with our hearts and our consciousness.</p>
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		<title>How Modern Technologies Are Making Life Boring</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/03/04/how-modern-technologies-are-making-life-boring/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/03/04/how-modern-technologies-are-making-life-boring/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 05 Mar 2010 05:54:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Perspective]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=1172</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I guess this is going to be a rant. A backlash against technology. Sort of rage against the machine, if you will. Technology is useful and I am thankful for it. Matter of fact, I would not live in any other age if I had my choice. I would still live where I am today. [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/3350940502_c1c3f4ac37.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1173" title="3350940502_c1c3f4ac37" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/3350940502_c1c3f4ac37.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="333" /></a></p>
<p>I guess this is going to be a rant. A backlash against technology. Sort of rage against the machine, if you will.</p>
<p>Technology is useful and I am thankful for it. Matter of fact, I would not live in any other age if I had my choice. I would still live where I am today. I am fascinated and excited about the rapid pace of technological inventions. They are happening so quickly that I cannot even keep up with them, nor I have the desire.</p>
<p><strong>I am a bit immune to innovation at this point of time.</strong></p>
<p>If I am such a huge fan of technology, then why make a statement that it is making a life boring? Well, to be fully honest, it is not the technology that is making life boring, it is the extent to which people use it. I believe that on large scale, individuals world wide are misusing technology. At the very least, they are not using it to its fullest extent.</p>
<p>So, in the end people are to blame. But still&#8230;</p>
<p>Internet and all of the innovations associated with it, have put the information at our finger tips. If we did not want to, we would not have to leave our room to &#8220;get to know&#8221; the world. Everything, absolutely everything is online. Anything from pictures, to videos to news is online, one click away.</p>
<p><strong>Technology is convenient, but at what price. It is a price that I am not willing to pay.</strong></p>
<p>To me, modern technology takes the mystery, adventure and the joy of discovery out of life. At the very least, it has the capability to do so. Directions to anywhere in the world are  there, pictures of the most beautiful places on the earth are there, directions for anything and everything are easily found.</p>
<p>That is all great, but is it possible that the ability to go exactly where we going, find exactly what we are looking is limiting our knowledge and experiences in the world?</p>
<p>How are we supposed to get lost? How are we supposed to make mistakes? How are we supposed to be surprised? How are we supposed to be impressed? How are we supposed to experiment and learn? How? Some of you might ask, why would you want do any of the above things?</p>
<p>I believe that it is fun. I believe that is what life is all about. Life is about discovery, excitement, the unknown, the danger and adventure. Yet, technology has the ability and does make many of those elements out of our lives. During the human evolution technology has been there to provide us with comfort and convenience.</p>
<p>And, people love convenience, predictability and comfort. They love it. Most of us, would choose that over the unknown, the unpredictable, the dangerous. Yet, those are the exact ingredients that we need to grow and experience life to the fullest. Funny thing is that most of us understand it, yet still choose comfort.</p>
<p>Like I mentioned before, technology is neither good nor bad. It is the way that we use it (or rather misuse it) that makes it bad or good. And, I think many of us are  making the wrong choices. It is great to have options.<strong> But just because an option is there does not mean that we have to take it.</strong></p>
<p>If used the right way, technology can enhance our lives beyond what we thought possible. But, sometimes, just sometimes, we need to know when to stop, take a break from it and dive into the world of uncertainty, surprise and adventure.</p>
<p>____________________</p>
<p>Image: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/publicdomainphotos/3350940502/">Photo8.com</a></p>
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		<title>Why I Never Want To Retire</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/03/02/why-i-never-want-to-retire/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/03/02/why-i-never-want-to-retire/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 03 Mar 2010 03:45:28 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Failure]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Purpose of Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unemployement]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=1164</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I never want to retire. I never thought I would even think these words. But here I am, sharing them with the rest of the world. I guess I can be thankful to the economy for making me understand that I do not ever want to retire. I graduated in 2008 December and I am [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/318947873_12028f1b66.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1165" title="318947873_12028f1b66" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/318947873_12028f1b66.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="388" /></a></p>
<p>I never want to retire. I never thought I would even think these words. But here I am, sharing them with the rest of the world.</p>
<p>I guess I can be thankful to the economy for making me understand that I do not ever want to retire. I graduated in 2008 December and I am still searching for work. Until October I was immersed in my CPA studies. However, right after that, I retired. <strong>At the very least, I experienced what it is like to be retired.</strong></p>
<p>Most people associate retirement with not working anymore and engaging in activities that you really like. On top of that, by the time you are retired you do not have to worry about paying a mortgage,or  a car loan. It seems that all there is left is to receive your pension and social security payments and enjoy life. Seems like a pretty good deal, right?</p>
<p>For a long time, I thought that it was great. Why wouldn&#8217;t you want to retire? Many reasons why.</p>
<p>Since October, I did not have to worry about paying for my housing, for the car or for food. I was and still am living with my parents. So far so good.</p>
<p>Somewhat.</p>
<p>The only problem was that I had very limited income. I would get an allowance from my parents for each month, but it was just enough to go out to a couple of movies or go to the city, not much else. <strong>In a sense, my financial situation mimics that of those who are actually retired.</strong></p>
<p>Most of retired individuals depend on fixed income coming either from social security payments, pension or both. Fixed income means that over time they will be able to purchase less and less because of inflation. That fixed income would have to cover food, traveling and leisure expenses. Oh, and don&#8217;t forget health care expenses. In reality, it might mean that you would have only enough money to buy food and get around the city. <strong>Trips and vacations might be completely out of picture.</strong></p>
<p>On top of the financial issues, you have to figure out what to do with your time. When I was done studying for my CPA exam, it felt like freedom was awaiting for me. I had no worries (except finding a job) and no other commitments. I could read, watch TV, play computer games, watch movies and hang out with my friends and family. I did that. I did that for about a month.After a month, all of the above became extremely boring. I got to the point, where I was literately sick just of the idea of watching TV, movies, reading books, playing games or even hanging out with friends. <strong>I just had enough &#8211; in one month. </strong></p>
<p>Can you image if you had 20 years ahead of you?</p>
<p>Sure, if I had money, I could travel the world, go out, engage in hobbies, learn new things and so on. Yet, you have to remember that when you are retired you are living on fixed source of income and chances are that you might not have enough money coming in to cover all that you want to do. Plus, I am sure that living just for your own pleasure would get to you and you&#8217;d get bored of that too. <strong>I am just grateful that I do not have worry about any health issues unlike those in the retirement age group.</strong></p>
<p>One interesting thing started happening naturally. I wanted to go and work towards a goal. I wanted to work with other people. I wanted to be challenged. I wanted to create. Of course, along the way, I was looking for work and it was becoming increasingly frustrating not being able to find anything.</p>
<p><strong>It occurred to me that action and purpose driven life is what our lives are about. </strong></p>
<p>There is absolutely no reason to want to retire because retirement will probably bring nothing more than extreme boredom and might cause you to be depressed. So instead of working to retire and then having a life of leisure and boredom, let us all find something that drives us, something that we are passionate about. Let us work towards our dreams and goals while we are still physically and mentally capable.</p>
<p>Let us travel the world while have the strength and the clarity to enjoy it. Let us not wait until we are 70 to do that. Life is meant to be lived, not wasted away. Do you really want to wait 50, 40, 30 years until you can do what you really want to do? Why defer life until you cannot enjoy it to its fullest? <strong>Life is meant to be active, life is meant to be moving and kicking, it is not mean to be lived to retire.</strong></p>
<p>So go figure out what it is that you really want to do NOW. Otherwise, you will end being retired and trying to figure out what your life is really all about with limited health, limited money, limited mental capacity. Don&#8217;t wait! There is nothing glorious or comforting about retirement, it is not a goal to be achieved. Think about it. <strong>Now you know, why I never want to retire, ever again.</strong></p>
<p>________________</p>
<p>Image: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/oberazzi/318947873/">Oberazzi</a></p>
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		<title>Why I Deleted My Facebook Account</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/23/why-i-deleted-my-facebook-account/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/23/why-i-deleted-my-facebook-account/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:35:36 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Choice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Congruency]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Perspective]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Purpose]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=1139</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I deleted my facebook account. Pretty much sums it up. It is pretty simple to do, once you find the link that you need. I deleted my facebook account and I feel great. One simple reason: I realized I had no use for it. I realized that as I was talking to my brother. It [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/facebook.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1140" title="facebook" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/facebook.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="373" /></a></p>
<p>I deleted my facebook account. Pretty much sums it up. It is pretty simple to do, once you find the <a href="http://www.wikihow.com/Permanently-Delete-a-Facebook-Account">link </a>that you need.</p>
<p>I deleted my facebook account and I feel great. One simple reason: I realized <strong>I had no use for it</strong>. I realized that as I was talking to my brother. It just suddenly dawned upon me that I was just mindlessly wasting my time on this social network. I realized that I never really needed facebook. Many people quote that in &#8220;this increasingly busy&#8221; world it is harder and harder to stay connected with people. That is what they say. They also say that it is almost a necessity to have facebook.</p>
<p>I disagree.</p>
<p>Facebook is and always was a cheap substitute to real communication. Instead of calling somebody and saying &#8220;Hi&#8221; we stalk them on facebook and leave a 5 second comment here and there. Instead of meeting our &#8220;friends&#8221; in person and sharing the experience of a journey, we just put the pictures up on facebook and let others click through them. Instead of sending a personal invite or an actual gift, we send electronic invites and electronic gifts (which costs money!). Instead of asking a girl/guy out in person or over the phone, we instead &#8220;poke&#8221; them on facebook. Instead of calling somebody to wish a Happy Birthday we just leave a wall post. Instead &#8230;</p>
<p>This could on forever. The point is this:<strong> facebook encourages superficial and insincere communication</strong>. So what that we have hundreds of friends on facebook. Do we really keep in touch with them all? Do our &#8220;friends&#8221; just become another news feed item that gets lost amongst a hundred others? In the end, you are just cheating yourself.</p>
<p>What about the emotional energy that you spend over facebook: the privacy settings, the changing user interface, the dislike button and so on. Is it really worth spending your time and energy being upset about those things? And what about reading those overly negative status updates of people you barely know? What about people fighting over their relationship status on facebook? What about losing jobs over something you did or said over facebook? What about the possiblity of you being harassed by a criminal?</p>
<p>I had enough of that and that is why I decided to delete my account.</p>
<p>Now, I do not have to worry about either of those things. Now, I will know who my true friends are because they will call me or send me an e-mail if they will want to meet up. It&#8217;s a great way to eliminate dead-weight from your life. People have and always will appreciate a call, a sincere letter or an e-mail. Sure, we can all say that we are &#8220;increasingly busy&#8221;, but to me that&#8217;s bunch of nonsense.</p>
<p>If you do not have enough time to stay in touch with your friends through a phone call or an in person meeting, then you might have you priorities all wrong in your life. Think about it. <strong>Since when did relationships were pushed back into the background of our &#8220;busy&#8221; lives?</strong> It&#8217;s time to change that and remember what matters and ditch the deceptively &#8220;useful&#8221; technological tools.</p>
<p>If you want to establish a presence online and still keep your private life private, then there are plenty of other tools to consider. For your professional career, you might want to consider joining <strong>LinkedIn</strong> and as a tool for your personal expression and creativity consider <strong>blogging</strong>. Using only those two powerful tools, you will be able to create a strong and powerful image of yourself online, while keeping your private life private and your relationships deep.</p>
<p>I am sure some of you find facebook extremely useful and that is fine. <strong>The point here is to become aware of how the use of technology is affecting your life and really deciding if it is right for you.</strong></p>
<p><strong>Question</strong>: Do you have a facebook?</p>
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		<title>Intro: All You Need To Know About Life</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/07/intro/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/07/intro/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 08 Feb 2010 01:38:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Physical State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spiritual State Of Being]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/07/intro/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Nature of life is change. We experience mental, physical, emotional, spiritual changes as we go through our lives. That is all there is to life &#8211; managing the changes that occur in our lives. Some of us are conscious of that change, while others are completely blind to it. Think about it. It is my [...]]]></description>
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<p style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Drop.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-1053" title="Drop" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Drop-1024x508.jpg" alt="" width="518" height="258" /></a></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Nature of life is change. We experience mental, physical, emotional, spiritual changes as we go through our lives. That is all there is to life &#8211; managing the changes that occur in our lives. Some of us are conscious of that change, while others are completely blind to it.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Think about it.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">It is my understanding that those who are able to manage the change in their lives lead truly fulfilling lives. There are three simply components to in order to lead a rich life:</p>
<ul>
<li>Know where you are now</li>
<li>Know where you want to go</li>
<li>Know how to get there</li>
</ul>
<p>That&#8217;s it. The above formula is universal to everybody walking this earth. Now you know. There is no mystery.</p>
<p>In order for the above formula to work, all of the three elements must be present.</p>
<ul>
<li>Knowing where you are now, will help you figure out where you want to go.</li>
<li>Knowing where you want to go, requires for you to know where you are now in order to figure out how to get there.</li>
</ul>
<p>The relationship between knowing where you are knowing where you are going is similar to the one of the chicken and the egg. Which one should happen first?</p>
<p>The solution is pretty simple.</p>
<ul>
<li>If you know where you want to go, then you also must figure out where  you are now.</li>
<li>If you don&#8217;t know where you want to go, then figure out where you are now.</li>
<li>If you know where you are now, then use that information to figure out where you want to go.</li>
</ul>
<p>Once you have figured out your current situation in life and your desired situation in life, just compare the two. The comparison of those two different states of being will reveal to you the change that needs to happen in order to get from now (point A) to then (point B). Once you know what the differences are, then all you have to do is figure out how and what you will have to do to catalyze those changes in your life.</p>
<p>To make things just a little less vague, let us look at personal example.</p>
<p><strong>Were I am now.</strong> I am unemployed, looking for a job. I have tons of education, but no experience. I like organizing things, and helping people on an individual basis. I like learning about money and finance. I like planning things. I like working out and basketball. I like philosophy. I love comedy. I like helping people succeed. I live with my parents.</p>
<p><strong>Where I want to be.</strong> I want to become a personal coach with a focus on financial planning. I want to travel. I want to continue working out and playing basketball. I want to have my own place. I want to be debt free. I want to do extreme activities: go skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving, learn a martial art, learn how to play piano. I want start investing money. I want to be able to help my family with financial matters.</p>
<p><strong>How to get there.</strong> I need to get a job where I can gain relevant experience in financial planning. I need to learn how to sell, negotiate, network, give amazing presentations, lead others, become great at verbal and oral communication.  I need to continue building my blog to improve my communication and selling skills. I need to structure my life in such a way that I can fit in all of the activities that I want. I need to become more confident and aggressive.</p>
<p>Of course, all of the above are just the bare bones of what needs to happen, but it should make things a little bit more clear.Life is really simple if you are able to understand the above concepts!</p>
<p><strong>NOTE:</strong> I am going to discuss how to figure out where you are now, how to know where you want to go, and how to get there in the upcoming articles.</p>
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		<title>A Sure Way To Piss People Off And How Not To Do It</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/03/a-sure-way-to-piss-people-off-and-how-not-to-do-it/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/03/a-sure-way-to-piss-people-off-and-how-not-to-do-it/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 04 Feb 2010 00:46:07 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Listening]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stress]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=1039</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I sometimes wait to write later in the day. Sometimes I do it because I don&#8217;t have time in the morning. Sometimes I just wait for inspiration. Inspiration comes from the articles I read or the experiences throughout the day. Well, this article is inspired by an event that happened today. If you guess that [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/2278238975_c974c04438.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1040" title="2278238975_c974c04438" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/2278238975_c974c04438.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="336" /></a></p>
<p>I sometimes wait to write later in the day. Sometimes I do it because I don&#8217;t have time in the morning. Sometimes I just wait for inspiration. Inspiration comes from the articles I read or the experiences throughout the day. Well, this article is inspired by an event that happened today.</p>
<p>If you guess that I was pissed off because of the event, then you are right. The only good thing that is going to come out of that negative experience is this article.</p>
<h1>The Mistake</h1>
<p>In the past, I wrote how <a href="http://uncertainchange.com/2009/12/02/how-to-create-value-by-disagreeing/">disagreement can create value</a>. Many times it provides a different perspective on the same issue and so on. However, arguing has to be done the right way, otherwise it can lead to resentment.</p>
<p>From my experience today, I have come to the following conclusion: <strong>before engaging in a conversation and proposing your own perspective on an issue, make sure you understand the other person&#8217;s perspective completely.</strong></p>
<p>If you do not take the time to completely understand the other person, then you will just end up insulting the other individual by making assumptions. Also, it is extremely difficult to even talk to a person when you know they did not care enough to research and understand your point of view.</p>
<p>Moreover, when you make assumptions without having the whole picture, you are going into the conversation with a closed mind with a predetermined outcome in your mind. That is the exact reason why you are not able to understand the other person completely to begin with. Your emotions and your prejudice get in the way. Your mind gets closed off before the interaction even starts.</p>
<p>Going to a conversation with a closed mind and a lack of complete information, you are sure to piss somebody off. Even if you won&#8217;t piss them off, they will be hesitant to ever talk to you again.</p>
<h1>The Solution</h1>
<p>So how do you actually avoid making this mistake?</p>
<p><strong>1.</strong><strong>Try to figure out why you want to engage in the interaction to begin with</strong>. Figure out your intentions first. If your intentions are to prove the other person wrong, then you might as well just drop the idea. However, if you intend to learn a different perspective  and suggest an alternative view to the other person, then that in itself will help you keep an open mind.</p>
<p><strong>2.Do your research before engaging in an interaction. </strong>If you have the right mindset, then do your best to understand the different perspective. This will require you leaving the emotions behind you and understanding things for what they are. This will challenge you, but do your best.</p>
<p><strong>3.Clarify before making a point.</strong> After completing the above two steps, here comes the crucial one. Summarize the other persons perspective to your opponent to make sure you understand their point of view exactly. This will show the other person that you actually took the time to understand their perspective and did your homework instead of just unloading your views and perceptions on them.</p>
<p>Do the above three steps and you will be able engage in more meaningful connections with other individuals. Try it out and see the magic work. This is part of the art of listening, truly listening. This is the skill that will help you open new doors and deeper understanding about life.</p>
<p>________________</p>
<p>Image: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/danorbit/2278238975/">danorbit</a></p>
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		<title>Exposed: The Major Source Of Unhappiness</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/01/exposed-the-major-source-of-unhappiness/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/02/01/exposed-the-major-source-of-unhappiness/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:50:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Goals]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Happiness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Life Lessons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Money]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Purpose]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Value]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=1030</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[I have been writing on a regular basis for four months now. Writing is a form of self examination, a way to express the ideas and thoughts that matter to you the most. Given enough time, you will start noticing reoccurring thoughts and ideas, which will eventually form patterns. I would like to share one [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/3365801458_944cb42cc1.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-1033" title="3365801458_944cb42cc1" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/3365801458_944cb42cc1.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="294" /></a></p>
<p>I have been writing on a regular basis for four months now. Writing is a form of self examination, a way to express the ideas and thoughts that matter to you the most. Given enough time, you will start noticing reoccurring thoughts and ideas, which will eventually form patterns.</p>
<p>I would like to share one pattern that, I believe, is the root cause for people&#8217;s unhappiness in their life. It is a simple, yet powerful observation. I am not trying praise myself here. I truly believe that the following observation holds a lot of weight if fully understood.</p>
<blockquote>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em>People lead unhappy lives because they cannot tell the difference between the means and the ends.</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p style="text-align: left;">To be more exact, people think that some means are the ends. If we were to understand things for what they are, our lives would be much simpler. To make things clear, let us define means and ends.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I look at means as tools, which help you achieve your ends or goals. Let us assume we are building a house. House is our end, it is our goal. It is something that we want to accomplish. In order to do that, we are going to need a variety of tools: bricks, cement, wood, hammers, nails, glass, etc. Pretty simple stuff.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">However, for some reason, when it comes to our personal lives, we are in the fog as to what the tools are and what the goals are. Actually, most of us are in the fog because we have no clear set goals of what we want to accomplish in our lives. That is why misinterpret some of the tools to be our goals. Only if we took the time to figure out what it is that we want to accomplish in our lives, then the distinction between means and ends would be clear.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Ends would be something that we have defined ourselves as a specific measurable and objective goal  that we want to achieve and means would be everything else.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I know it all sounds a bit complex, but let us look at two of the most common misinterpretations that people make.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>&#8220;Being happy is my goal&#8221;. </strong>I disagree. Being happy should never be anyone&#8217;s goal. Happiness is just an emotion. It is an important emotion, which only tells us that whatever we are doing now is good for us and it is important to us. I believe it is a mistake to chase &#8220;being happy&#8221; as the purpose of life. Happiness is a side effect of achieving your goals that you have set for yourself. Happiness is a side effect of following your life&#8217;s purpose. That is all. If we confuse happiness to be something that we must achieve, then we automatically doom ourselves for unhappiness. Do not make this mistake. <strong>Remember and repeat the following: Happiness is a side effect of me following my life&#8217;s purpose.</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>&#8220;I want to be rich&#8221;. </strong>I disagree. Being rich should never be anybody&#8217;s goal. Money is just a tool that can be used to accomplish our goals. Simultaneously, it is a side effect of achieving your goals and following your life&#8217;s passion. That is where true wealth lies: in becoming what you have always dreamed of becoming. If you make being rich as one of your goals, then once you achieve this &#8220;goal&#8221;, you will feel empty and betrayed. Please do not make this mistake.  <strong>Remember and repeat the following: Wealth is side effect of me following my life&#8217;s purpose.</strong></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">I can promise you that if you understand and differentiate between means and ends, you will be able to lead a rich and fulfilling life. However, if you mistake means for ends, be prepared for the unpleasant.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;"><strong>Which road do you want to take? Which road are you on right now?</strong></p>
<blockquote>
<p style="text-align: center;"><em>“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>__________</p>
<p>Image: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/gregfoster/3365801458/" target="_blank">thefost</a></p>
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		<title>Donate To Haiti</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/01/22/donate-to-haiti/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/01/22/donate-to-haiti/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 23 Jan 2010 03:41:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Physical State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Spiritual State Of Being]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=959</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Do It Now! ____________ Image: United Nations Development Programme]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://www.google.com/relief/haitiearthquake/"><br />
<img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-960" title="Peacekeeping - MINUSTAH" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/4273889657_1b1759cb9b.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="333" /></a></p>
<blockquote>
<p style="text-align: center;"><strong><a href="http://www.google.com/relief/haitiearthquake/">Do It Now!</a></strong></p>
</blockquote>
<p style="text-align: left;">____________</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Image: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/unitednationsdevelopmentprogramme/4273889657/">United Nations Development Programme</a></p>
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		<title>5 Reasons To Ask For Honest Feedback</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/01/13/5-reasons-to-ask-for-honest-feedback/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/01/13/5-reasons-to-ask-for-honest-feedback/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 14 Jan 2010 01:37:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Goals]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Opportunity]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Reality]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Responsibility]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Truth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Value]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://uncertainchange.com/?p=914</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Have you ever set out to accomplish a fairly vague goal such as becoming better at something. That something could be speaking, writing, socializing, networking, basketball, programming and so on. Since better is a very vague word, it is inherently hard to measure our progress or know how we are doing. For example, I set [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/3895590793_79cc34158a.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-915" title="3895590793_79cc34158a" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/3895590793_79cc34158a.jpg" alt="" width="347" height="500" /></a></p>
<p>Have you ever set out to accomplish a fairly vague goal such as becoming better at something. That something could be speaking, writing, socializing, networking, basketball, programming and so on. Since better is a very vague word, it is inherently hard to measure our progress or know how we are doing.</p>
<p>For example, I set out into the blogging world. I just wanted to share my thoughts with the rest of the world, help a couple of people. Nothing big. Then I started getting into it, as I realized vast opportunities that blogging presents. And then, I realized that if I want to make anything out of my blog, I have to improve my writing.</p>
<p>A tool of communication with the rest of the world! Sounds pretty important doesn&#8217;t it?</p>
<p>Well, as I progressed through my journey, I felt that I was getting better at it, but I was not sure. So I decided to ask for feedback. It&#8217;s one of the best choices I have made.</p>
<p>It does not matter what you are trying to get better at; you NEED to know how you are doing. Are you running a project and want to know if the customer is pleased? Are you working on speech and you want to know if it is coming along well? If so, then the best way to get better at something is to ask for feedback. Period.</p>
<p>Here is why.</p>
<ul>
<li><strong>It will show others that you care. </strong>What better way to show others that you care about what you do than by earnestly asking for genuine feedback? Even if it is something that you are doing for yourself (such as blogging, public speaking, project management, programming, etc), by asking others for feedback you will get them thinking about you. Your friends, co-workers, or family will become more aware of what you are doing and often will help you improve faster by providing  you with additional tools, advice or just general support.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>You will know your own progress. </strong>You will be able to understand if the actions that you are taking are helping you or hurting you. Feedback will help you figure out if you are moving too fast, too slow, putting enough, too much or too little effort in achieving your goals. Often times, we will have an idea of how we are doing, but feedback can work as a &#8220;reality check&#8221; for us to maintain awareness of our actions.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>You will push yourself out of your comfort zone. </strong>Naturally, you will have to put yourself out there when asking for feedback. You might have to force yourself to talk to your boss, your spouse, your children, your coworkers, strangers and friends in order to get feedback about the topic that concerns you. How is that pushing myself out of my comfort zone you might ask? Well, if you are asking for feedback be prepared to hear the good, the bad and the ugly. Especially the bad and the ugly. But that is exactly why feedback is important. If everybody just told you the good stuff while hiding the bad, what good would it do to you? NOTHING. So expect and learn how to deal with criticism and remember that a failure just points to an area for improvement.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>You will push others out of their comfort zone. </strong>This is a tough one. Believe or not people are very nice. Most of  us will do the most we can to avoid any sort of conflict. That is exactly what you are doing when you are asking for feedback, HONEST feedback. I am going to say it again:<em> ask for HONEST feedback</em>. That means others will have to tell you the bad and the ugly as well as the good stuff. That in itself is a recipe for conflict. People are worried about hurting others feelings by telling them the truth EVEN when they ask for it! Be sure to emphasize honesty because if they will try to play a nice person and hold things back from you, then you  and the other person will lose on the opportunities for growth by putting yourselves into a conflict situation.</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><strong>It will open up channels of communication.</strong> Naturally, this will force you to communicate and even talk openly to people which you would generally not even say &#8220;Hi&#8221; to.  This can be a great conversation starter and a catalyst for new friendships. You might discover new friends along the way who will help you excel even further by being honest and resourceful.</li>
</ul>
<p>I personally experienced all of the above effects of feedback by asking my friend and fellow blogger <a href="http://olegmokhov.com/" target="_self">Oleg Mokhov</a> to provide me with honest feedback on my writing. It&#8217;s great and one of the more overlooked resources for growth. Because of this important information that I am receiving from Oleg, I am able to write better and better growing my blog and attracting more readers and hopefully helping them improve their lives!</p>
<p>You can do it too! All you have to do is <strong>ASK.</strong></p>
<p>_________________</p>
<p>Image: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/36106576@N05/3895590793/">Don Moyer</a></p>
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		<title>Why You Should Ditch The Destructive Weekend</title>
		<link>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/01/08/why-you-should-ditch-the-destructive-weekend/</link>
		<comments>http://uncertainchange.com/2010/01/08/why-you-should-ditch-the-destructive-weekend/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sat, 09 Jan 2010 05:06:02 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Tomas Stonkus</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Emotional State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Mental State Of Being]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Change]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Choice]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Perspective]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Purpose of Life]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Responsibility]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Stress]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[What do you do over the weekends? Are you one of those people who cannot wait for Friday to come around? Do you hate Mondays? Do you actually relax during the weekend? Many people do not think twice about what to do over the weekends. It&#8217;s Friday. That means happy hour right after work, then [...]]]></description>
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<p><a href="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/3000950461_5462af0130.jpg"><img class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-874" title="3000950461_5462af0130" src="http://uncertainchange.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/3000950461_5462af0130.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="333" /></a></p>
<p>What do you do over the weekends?</p>
<p>Are you one of those people who cannot wait for Friday to come around? Do you hate Mondays? Do you actually relax during the weekend?</p>
<p>Many people do not think twice about what to do over the weekends. It&#8217;s Friday. That means happy hour right after work, then going out with friends, spending tons of money during the night at the bars, then waking up in the morning feeling like crap trying to get better throughout the rest of the weekend. And so it repeats itself over and over again. And it is the norm to most of the population.</p>
<p>For the most part it starts in college and it never really stops after that. I used to be one of these drunk faces on Friday or Saturday nights, wasting my money and life away. I am glad I stopped before it was too late.</p>
<p>Time is precious and we ought to spend it wisely.</p>
<p>Many people lead lives they do not like, having jobs that they hate and the weekend seems like the perfect escape into the drunken illusion with friends where the pain and the worries seem to fade away. Yet, in the long run it accomplishes nothing. Well it accomplishes couple of things: it ruins your health, ruins your finances and it gets you nowhere. Sure, it is fun to hang out with friends and catch up. Yet, for most people it becomes a destructive habit, a routine, a fake escape from unwanted life.</p>
<p>Well, for better or worse I have spend a large portion of my college career just like that. Matter of fact, my weekends would start on Thursday nights and end up on Saturday nights. Every weekend. I did not think twice of it. It seemed fine. I was sucked in and stuck. Yet, I found myself more and more doing it because everybody else was doing it. It sucked. I had to stop and think. Something was wrong. Is this all there is to do over the weekends? Is his all I am here to do on this earth?</p>
<p>The answer was no. The life has so much more to offer and it is a waste of time to be engaged in such activities! This made me reconsider my priorities and my goals in life. I realized I did not have any and that was part of the reason why I was going through college days so blindly &#8211; I lacked purpose. Now, I have purpose, I have things that I want to do and accomplish. All of those things take time and money to accomplish, so I&#8217;d rather focus my energy on doing things that take me somewhere as opposed to those that keep me stuck in a destructive routine.</p>
<p>If you find yourself in this lifestyle, then there are many things that you should consider. Am I happy with my life? Am I happy with my job? Am I happy with where I am going? Am I working towards fulfilling my life purpose? Chances are that you will find yourself answering now to most of those questions. That is why exactly those are the reasons why you are engaging in destructive weekends.</p>
<p>I am not saying that you should never do this or that you should eliminate hanging out with friends or having some fun once in a while. No. What I am saying is to become mindful of what you are doing. Every action has an opportunity cost to it. So think about what you are missing out by spending those weekends going out, playing beer pong, watching football  and spending money while developing a drinking habit?</p>
<p>I can think of at least a couple of things that you can do with that time and money. You could save the money for an awesome trip, a car, a house, a book or you could simply invest it towards your retirement. You could spend that money on theaters, plays, performances, martial art lessons, great food, a romantic dinner with a date, learning how to scuba dive, picking up a yoga class and so on! You could spend the time on meditation, on developing yourself, finding for a better job, developing or finding a passion of yours, changing your life and rediscovering your life purpose!</p>
<p>Are you sleeping? I want you to wake up and smell the roses and find your own purpose in life and lead others to finding theirs! Think about it. Just think about it.</p>
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