I am a huge South Park fan. I have seen every single episode ever made. It has some of the best social commentary about everything and anything. However, one of my favorites of all time is the South Park’s movie “Imaginationland”

Here is a reason behind that. People always question what is real and what is not real. The question comes up very often in discussions about God. Is it real or is it a figment of imagination? It almost always comes down to this: can you prove it?

That’s where it all usually stops because nobody can prove or disprove the existence of God.

As I was reading the book called “The Evolution of God” by Robert Wright, I realized that it does not really matter of it is real or not. What really matters is summed up in the following quote by Kyle:

“General: If I’m not mistaken, you’re the one who bet that leprechauns weren’t real. So why do you care what happens?

Kyle:    Because I- [catches himself] I… Um… because I think… they are real. It’s all real. Think about it. Haven’t Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he… he’s had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny and, a-and Superman and Harry Potter. They’ve changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn’t that make them kind of “real.” They might be imaginary, but, but they’re more important than most of us here. And they’re all gonna be around long after we’re dead. So in a way, those things are more realer than any of us.”

To be honest, I was blown away. So simple and to the point.

In short, one could say that something is real if it has an impact in our lives. That is all that matters. Weather God is real or not, does not matter. God, at the very least, represents an idea, which can change lives and empower people.

That is all the more reason to respect other people’s view and beliefs and not to try and force ours upon them. What is really real might not ever be understood by anybody. This does not mean that we should try and stop understanding the underlying reality behind our world. No!

The understanding that real things are those that make an impact on our lives gives us a common ground to relate and opens up communication channles with people around the world with different beliefs and worldviews.

In the end, even if we figure out the TRUTH of how this world is put together, would it really change the way we live or the aspiration in our lives? We can look through history looking for an answer and we will see that values of love, honesty, friendship, sacrifice and so on have always been central to our existence.

So next, you are about to challenge somebody else reality think about this simple lesson from South Park and instead of closing the doors you will open them up wide. It does not hurt to explore!

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Image: Bill Doc

Your life is defined by your decisions. Everyday you wake up and you make decisions. That is all life is – continuous decision making process which creates the person that you are today.

Most of the decisions are fairly simple. Every morning when you wake up, you decide what you are going to wear, what you are going to eat and what you are going to do during your day. You probably will never think about many of them twice unless you somehow managed to make a destructive decision too many times, until it developed into a destructive habit.

However, some decisions are perceived as being extremely tough.

What exactly makes a certain decision a tough one? For example, they might have a huge impact on your finances, your relationships, your career, your health, your rest and so on. A tough decision usually comes sprinkled with fear and uncertainty.You will always want to know how things turn out in the end. And you are always going to be looking for the happy ending, right? At least, I do.

Matter of fact, you are probably going to be looking for a happy ending not only for yourself, but for those around you as well. You want your decision to have a positive impact on the people you care about. So far so good? Not exactly.

Many times your concern of how your action is going to affect others is exactly what prevents you from taking the action? Am I right? Think back to some of the following scenarios: you want to quit your job, you want to end a relationship, you want to change your major, you want to confess in something you did wrong, you want to stand up for what you believe in and so on.

How many of those times did you prevent yourself from making a decision because you were thinking the following: “I can’t do that. I don’t want to disappoint this person, I don’t want to hurt them, I don’ want to break their heart” The variations are countless.

Well, I have news for you. Ideally, you should eliminate other people out of the equation when making tough life decisions.

I am making the assumption that you are a decent human being and that you are not taking a decision to purposefully hurt somebody physically, emotionally or otherwise. I am referring to situations where you are following your path in life, where you stand up for your beliefs and your values.

When you are in a tough spot, there are many variables to consider. Sometimes the answers is not clear. The best thing to do then is to eliminate as many irrelevant variables as possible. I am making an argument that other individuals in your life are one of those irrelevant variables.

Many people in life feel like they are responsible for other people’s feelings when making a decision.

I disagree.

You are not one simple bit responsible for how others feel or react to the decisions that you make in life. 9 times out of 10, others will use that knowledge to manipulate you into making a decision that favors them instead of you.

People will react the way they do. There is nothing personal in that. They are just reacting to a situation.

Furthermore, if you assume responsibility for how others feel then you will be doomed to suffer until you choose otherwise. Ultimately, you are tying your own well being to somebody else emotions. You are giving away your power to others by doing that.

Think about it this way. If other people truly cared for you, then they would just let you be and be considerate of what you are doing. Instead, if they are reacting in a manipulative way (crying, being upset, sad, needy, angry, etc) chances are they are not even thinking about what is best for you, but only looking out for their own best interest.

For the sake of illustration let us examine a common situation which I experienced over and over again in college.

I always signed up for classes early in the morning so I could get my day started early. However, my roommates did not have classes until later in the day. Given that fact, they would go out and come back really late: 2AM or 3AM in the morning.

The problem wasn’t that they were going out; it was that I could not rest properly because of loud noise at 4AM. For a long time I tolerated it, thinking: “It’s okay, they want to go out; they have a right to do so. After all they are paying rent too!” However, after a while I realized that I was not getting proper rest and was tired all of the time. Things just didn’t fit. Eventually, I realized that I was not the problem and that my roommates were simply being disrespectful of my rest and just had their best interests in mind.

I eventually started confronting them to the point where it became a serious problem and I ended up moving out.

Even though, the above situation is not as serious it still send the same message: if you want to empower yourself, eliminate other people out of the equation when making tough decisions in life.

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Image: nerovivo

Change is inevitable. Change permeates our daily lives. The nature of life is change.

Let it sink. It will be important.

These are some of the ways that people deal with change in their lives:

• Some are not aware of the changes going on in their lives and do not even take the time to think about it
• Some are aware of changes and try to change the things that are out of their control
• Some are aware of changes and try to change the things that are with their control

All of us will find ourselves belonging to a mixture of the above groups. Which one can you identify yourself with the most? Which of the three groups leads the most rewarding and fulfilling life? Do you belong to that group? If not, why?

If I had to answer the above question, I would say that people who are aware of changes going on in their lives and who focus on changing the things that are within their control would lead the most fulfilling life. I would say that they do not waste energy on the things that are out of their reach and focus on things that they have control over therefore doing more in the given amount of time. It comes down to simple economics of life: we have limited amount of time and we have to use wisely to get the most out of life.

Then I would want to know how I can become part of that group.

Here is the recipe. In order to lead a fulfilling life, you will need three main ingredients: awareness, acceptance, concentration.

Awareness. You will need to become aware of the changes that are going on throughout life. Our bodies change, our thoughts change, our friends change, the economy changes, the weather changes, the jobs change, our environment changes. Once you become aware and identify them, your life seem much more interesting and much more complex. However, the danger is that you will want to control everything around you. You will want some things to change and others to stay constant. That is a mistake!

Acceptance. That is why acceptance is the next crucial step. You must learn to accept that certain changes are out of your control! I will repeat this again, because it is that important: you must learn to accept the things that are out of your control. Here are some examples: the economy is out of your control, the weather is out of your control, other people are out of your control, your aging body is out of your control. If you learn to accept that some things are out of your control, then you will be able to spend more time and energy on the things that you can control. The biggest challenge here is to clearly distinguish between the changes within your control and outside of your control.

Concentration. Once you have became aware, identified and accepted the things within and without your control, it is crucial to maintain concentration on the things, which you can control. Many times, you will be tempted to spend energy on the things that you cannot control. That will do nothing but make you feel like the victim of this world. Resist the temptation and just remind yourself that simply there are things which you cannot control and refocus on the right changes in your life which you can control. Some of the examples would be your thoughts, your habits, you actions, your effort, your ethics and your morals.

I have to continuously remind myself and go through all of three steps above to continue leading a fulfilling life. One of the biggest areas that I have used the above approach on is trying to change other people. I used to think that people should be the way I want them to be and that I should be able to change them to my liking. I was getting horrible results! So much resentment, so much anger and negative emotions in general! It took me a while to realize that changing other people are out of my control. Once I accepted that fact it was much easier to accept other people for who they were! Now and then I have remind myself of the above facts, but the more I do it the more natural it becomes!

QUESTION: What is the hardest thing to accept in your life?

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Image: Flickr

One of the most important discoveries that I have made in life is to realize that life is repetitive. Life is full of cycles. Many people compare life to a roller coaster: the life goes up and down. It continues in such fashion until we die.

Why is it such an important realization? Mainly, it is a source of strength. It gives us certainty in our ever changing lives. Whenever we are experiencing an upswing in our lives we know that a downswing is coming sometime soon and vice versa. It is a bit similar to economy.

We can never expect the economy to continue growing indefinitely. Likewise, we can never expect the economy to continue contracting indefinitely. Those are the facts. If we know those facts we can adjust our behavior and our expectations accordingly. Actually, we should be never caught off guard if the things start going down the hill all of the sudden because life repeats itself.

How exactly does that provide with strength in our lives? Consider this. When you are living an abundant life, you should know that it will not be like this forever, therefore you should appreciate what you have right now. More importantly, when things are not going the way you want them to, just have faith and realize that this is just a phase and the things will get better – it is just a matter of time.

If there was one thing that you were to take away from this article is this: it’s just a matter of time. Especially remember this when times get rough. It’s just a matter of time until your life improves.

How do I use that in my own personal life? Here is how: right now, many things in my life are not going the way I want: I do not have the income that I want, I do not live where I want, I am doing the things that I like. But one day I told myself: this is just a matter of time before the things get better.

Once I realized that, things got much easier to handle. I was able to look at my situation much clearer, I started learning the things that I should be learning from this tough situation. I gained clarity and strength. It really helped me. I hope that it might help others struggling with things in life as well.

It does not mean avoiding the present and living in the future. When I say: “It’s only a matter of time” I only mean, that you should not put yourself down when they things are not going your away and appreciate the good things when do happen; that is all.

I guess it has something to do with impermanent nature of life. Once you realize that, you stop taking things as seriously in your life and start savoring every single experience in your life! It teaches you just to trust yourself and essentially live life in a more playful manner.

So remember: It’s just a matter of time!

Are you into self-development? Chances are that you are. Self-development seems to be this new fad that people are addicted to. It seems to be the thing to be doing. I might be wrong. Yet, it is the impression that I am getting. It makes me wonder why many people are so obsessed with it. Is it because of genuine desire to grow or is it something that you are doing just to make yourself feel better?

I know I have been in both situations. I found that doing something for the wrong reasons might get you to do something for the right reasons. Here I will share a bit of my personal life to illustrate the point.

How I Discovered Self-Development

It was a freshman year in college. I was recovering from a rejection by a girl that I was attracted to. I found myself talking to this guy I barely knew. I told him of my problems and how I felt and how terrible what happened to me was. All of the sudden, he said: “I know exactly where you are coming from. Here is what I have been doing.” He suggested me that I read on material by David D’Angelo. So I did.

The material promised all of these tricks, tips and techniques of how to fill your life with women that you want. It promised an abundance of girls. I was pumped! I remember how excited and energized I was to get started. Immediately I started reading more and more about women and dating. I bought books, read them, watched videos, talked to my friends about it. It was an exciting new thing for me. That was in the spring of 2005.

However, the more I read about, the more I realized that there was something missing. I read all of these rules and techniques and there was so much to it! There was no way I could keep track of it all.More importantly, I felt like I was being fake. It did not feel natural or real. I felt like I was cheating myself and that women liked me for what I pretended to be, not for who I was.

Yet, I kept on reading and researching until I finally stumbled on something that completely shifted my focus from women to myself. That was what I felt was missing. The deeper and more in depth series by David D’Angelo completely ditched the rules and techniques and went deep into the topics that really mattered.

The material focused on becoming a man that women would want to be around naturally as opposed to using tricks and techniques to lure them in. I was shocked and amazed. I loved it! I opened up a completely new chapter of my life. My focus shifted from the external validation to internal development. I felt like I have rediscovered myself and what I was about and the things I should focus on. Everything became more meaningful and real. I started to get an increased feeling of self-worth and confidence. I was ready to continue my journey.

Then, came the period of obsession with self-development. Once again, I stared going through the material mindlessly without thinking about it. I was reading Steve Pavlina, Stephane Hemon, David D’Angelo, Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie and many other self-development materials. I was like a sponge absorbing it, but not putting it to use. Of course I got some benefit from it, but not as nearly as much as I thought I would get. Then eventually I got it. I understood how to use personal development articles and tips  for the best results.

How To Approach Self-Development For Best Results

Here I will share a list of tips that I came up with for you to get the most out of self-development materials:

• Accept yourself for who you are. Before you start any journey on self-development, accept and love yourself just for who you are. This will help you keep a healthy attitude towards what you are doing. Also, you will be able to keep yourself motivated when the things won’t go the way they were planned. You will be able to enjoin the results once you do get them. If you do not accept yourself for who yo are, no matter what you will do, you will feel inferior to somebody out there. So take care of this matter first and foremost before doing anything else.

• Slow Down. When you read the personal development materials, you will feel the need to go through them as fast as possible. You will want to do it all at once! It will be overwhelming and awesome at the same time. You will feel the need to read more right after you are done with article and move on to the next one. But the best thing you can do to save yourself time in the long run is to slow down! Read it slowly, think about it slowly, do it slowly. Give yourself time to understand what you reading. Simple things are not that simple to implement.

• Get Organized. You will find many amazing articles and ideas that you will want to incorporate into your life. You will want to do it all at once. But know your own capabilities and your limits. Work on one thing at a time. Develop a plan of how to best use the valuable resources that you find. Read everything with a purpose. Know what you want to do. It might be even helpful to develop an inventory of your strengths and your weaknesses, so you will know how to direct your time and energy. Make a list of the things that you want to accomplish and keep track of your progress.

• Let It Sink In. After carefully reading it, let the thoughts sink in. Do not rush to the next thing that is planned in your daily agenda. Sit there and think about what you just read and how you can best incorporate into your life.

• Follow Directions. Most personal development articles will come with a to do list telling you what to do. Follow those directions! They are there for a reason. Do not just understand them intellectually, go through the steps and actually do them as directed. Most of the authors that write these things have done them. They know what they are talking about. They have been there. Trust their wisdom and follow their lead with an open mind.

• Limit Yourself. There are tons of so called gurus out there claiming that they are the next best thing. Some of them are truly amazing. However, once again – slow yourself. Pick only a couple of authors that you truly find interesting and study them. Stay calm and steady. Do not go over the board and read everything that it out there. Stick with what you read and try to truly understand it. For example, I read only Steve Pavlina for a long time. The reality is that most advice or tips that you are going to read are not going to be drastically different.

• Experiment. Not everything you find online will work for you. Try what you find interesting. Test out the ideas that you find appealing. Make it part of your personality if you find them attractive. Discard ideas that you do not agree with or that do not resonate with you. Find out what works for you. Do not blindly believe in what the author is saying. Have the courage to object and question everything that you read. Nobody is perfect.

• Create a supportive environment. If you are truly passionate about getting the most out of yourself, then it is possible that you will have to change your friends and where you live.  It might a hard decision, but the truth is that most people will never make the conscious step of changing their lives for the better. Find people that will support your goals and your new identity.

• Explore. Once you feel comfortable with what you are doing and understand why you are doing then you should explore author authors and other ideas out there. You will find that the same issues can be approached from many different angles. You might even find solutions to the problems that you current approach could not solve. Point being: do not settle. Keep looking and learning. That is the point of growth after all.

• Be persistent. Understand that this will take a lot of time! Keep going  and practicing even if you do not see the results right away. Trust the authors that you read and keep at it and you will be glad you did.

Best of luck! Go out there and get started!

]]> http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/25/how-to-approach-self-developement-for-best-results/feed/ 2 http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/ http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/10/how-to-let-go-of-the-past/#comments Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:25:17 +0000 Tomas Stonkus http://uncertainchange.com/?p=515

Have you ever had such a bad experience that you never ever wanted to remember it again in your life? Yet, no matter how hard you tried to forget it, it kept coming back and torturing you? Maybe it was because you did or didn’t do something that hurt other people. Maybe it was because somebody hurt you. Either way, the past seemed to always be there with you never letting go and reminding you of that bad action what you made.

If you experienced any of the above, I have news for you – you are a human being. Yet, in order to even being to understand answering the question of how to let go of the past, we have to examine time first.

What is Time?

Why we are going to examine time – because understanding the past is not enough. It is impossible to understand the past without talking about the past, the present, and the future together. Combining the above mentioned elements together gives us time as we understand it. I understand the there are many ways to look at time. Therefore, we are going to leave the quantum mechanics and physics aside. Instead we are going to focus  on time from a psychological perspective.

In that sense, time does not really exist. What exists is the experience. Nothing else. There is no past or the future. There has always been and there will always be only the present. Our brains take those experiences and store them in our brain as memories, which we label the past. Those memories are stored in our brain as collection of neurons. The brain then uses those connections to form our habits and behaviors. In addition, our brains forms possible future outcomes based on our past experiences. Those simulations try to protect us from making bad decisions, which would end up hurting us. They also encourage making decisions, which in our head, should produce a favorable outcome.

However, sometimes we experience really strong negative emotions which form an extremely strong neuron connection in our brain. Most of the time, those connections cannot be easily broken. Yet, we do not have to break them. All we need to do is change the way we understand that experience in order to change the way that emotion makes us feel. So how do we do what?

How to Let Go of The Past?

Most people try to forget negative experiences. Yet, the act of trying to forget something naturally reactivates and strengthens the chemical reaction associated with that emotion and experience. Here is what I found what works for me:

1. Understand that past does not exist. It is all in your head. It is a collection of memories, which your brain chose to save for the future use. The event itself has passed as if it never happened.
2. Understand that you are not in the present if you are thinking about the past. It has some serious implications. Living in your head, might cause you to lose focus and cost you opportunities to advance your life towards a direction that you want to do. Ask yourself if suffering about the past is worth sacrificing the present?
3. Understand that you cannot control that past. This is the biggest stepping stone in letting go of the past. I’ll say it once again: Understand that you cannot control that past. What done is done. The only result you have is the experience that you carry with you; nothing else.
4. Accept that you cannot control the past. This might be harder than you think, but  try to truly understand that you truly cannot control anything that has already happened and that trying to do so will cause you to relive the whole experience over and over again.
5. Forgive yourself and take responsibility for your actions by speaking the truth to yourself and others. Do this even if you do not think you did anything wrong.
6. Forgive others for hurting you.
7. Learn the lesson that you had to learn from the experience. That is why it happened. A negative experience is nothing more than a way for the universe to tell you that you were doing something wrong and that you need to learn what ever needs to be learned.
8. Be grateful for that negative experience because of the value and depth that it has brought into your life.
9. Live NOW!

All of these steps require courage, time and dedication. They are not easy, but the rewards are fulfilling and lead to a greater and more rewarding life. Let go of your past – NOW!

Have you ever been knocked down in your life? In other words, have you ever failed in your life? I know I have, I have failed multiple times. I failed at getting what I thought I wanted  and most importantly I failed by succeeding in something I didn’t really want. The point is that I have failed. Have you ever failed? If so, read on. In this article you will discover tools that will help you deal with any failure in your life and pick yourself up when you are knocked down.

Realize That You Were Knocked Down

Believe it or not, that is and was the most difficult part for me in the road to recovery from a knock down. Multiple times I would fail to realize that I even failed.  I understand that most of the time we realize that things are not going our way, but we fail to take responsibility for that failure ourselves. After an unsuccessful interview, I would sometimes blame the people interviewing not seeing my true worth; after failing to do the best that I could on a test or a project, I would blame the outside circumstances for my “failure”. In short, I would not see those setbacks as my failures, I would see it as series of unfortunate events that brought around the failure and that it was not my fault.

Understand Why You Were Knocked Down

Once you take the responsibility for your own failure, you can try to understand why you failed. There are conscious and subconscious reasons for it. For the purposes of this article let us look at the example of applying and getting jobs.  First, we will look at scenario where a person is rejected from a job that he thought he wanted. Second, we will examine a scenario where a person got the job, which he didn’t really want. Then, we will look at how each of those scenarios presents an opportunity for growth.

You Did Not Get What You Wanted

Most of us have been in this situation where our “dream job” escaped our grasp for a reason unknown to us.  The possible conscious reasons for not getting the job might be as simple as not being qualified, inadequate preparation for the interview, incompatibility with the firm’s culture, being late, having a cell phone go off during the interview, etc. All of the above reasons where something you could control, yet you did not. Why? The answer usually lies in the subconscious reasons for you doing those things. The number one reason for coming to the interview unprepared is really not wanting the job to begin with.  If you really wanted to get your dream job, you would have actually came in prepared at your best and would have planned for any unexpected events. If you didn’t, then you have only yourself to blame and actually thank the interviewer for being savvy enough to realize that you didn’t want to the job to begin with.

Where do the conclusions above take us? They make us rethink and reevaluate our lives and be grateful for not getting what you want. You can read more about the benefits of being unemployed here.

You Did Get What You Really Did Not Want

Many more of us find ourselves doing things that we do not like and questioning how we got there to begin with. We can blame ourselves for getting the job that we really did not want on our great interviewing (self-deception) skills; or we can blame it on a very inexperienced interviewer that did not catch on to clues that should reveal our true intentions when applying for the job.

Let us know image, that we have the job that we hate.  One possible view on the situation is the following: “I will put up with this terrible job for as long is I can and just do the least amount of work possible just to get by”. I can guarantee you that this attitude will not get you anywhere in life because it will not help you progress to become the person that you want to be.

Another possible view, a healthier view in my mind, on the situation is the following: “I know that what I am doing is not for me and I really do not like this job, however, I understand that even in this situation I can learn something that will help me to become the person that I want to be”. Using this approach, you would be able to get a positive experience out of an unpleasant job. You can work on transferable skills. For example, you know that you need to work on your communication or people skills or that you need some managerial experience. Almost every job that you will ever do will contain opportunities to work on the above mentioned skills. In general, no matter how unplesant the job is, you can always find ways to make it work for you. That is how you pick yourself up.

Picking Yourself Up

After understanding why you were knocked down to begin with, you will find yourself seeing abundant opportunities to learn and grow to become the person that you want o be. Even if you catch yourself doing the work that you do not like, you will know that you are not working because of money, but because you want to learn and improve upon a particular skill. Such view will empower you and help you keep going through life because you will find opportunities in every failure. Yet, the above is just the part of the story.

Leading a Multidimensional Life

Sometimes, the blows in life are very devastating and it takes a long time to realize that you were knocked down and even long to realize why it exactly happened. What do you do then? The answer is to have a multidimensional life. What does that mean exactly? It means not putting all of your eggs in the same basket. It means having a variety of interests, a variety of passions and areas where you want to grow in. For example, if you cannot get a job, you can still work on improving yourself, your relationships with others, you can read, you can learn other languages, you can pick up or continue working on a hobby. If your relationships are not going too well, then you dedicate and redirect negative energy to meditation, self improvement, etc.

The point is to create an amazing story for yourself and understand that just because one area of your life is not going as planned, your whole life does not have to come down crumbling on you. If you ever find yourself in situation where one particular area means much more than others, then you will know that you need to expand your horizons and redirect your energy.

It is important to understand one thing in life. Change is important. Changing yourself is very important. Improving, striving to be better than you were yesterday is an amazing and congratulatory thing to do. However, one must understand a very important lesson in life. A person should never try and change OTHERS.

Changing Others Is Nearly Impossible

Changing another person is nearly an impossible thing to do. I have tried changing one person for a long time, until I realized that I am just wasting my time. The best thing you could ever do for somebody is help them change. Support them and encourage them in a process. One can only provide a person with a different perspective that challenges them and provides a unique view about life. Trying to make the person change and do something about it is nearly impossible. You will be for the most part met with resentment and resistance because the person that you are trying to change will feel as if they are inadequate or that there is something wrong with them. Those emotions can only and will usually cause further negativity and not hope which ones needs in order to change.

Change Is a Personal Choice

Change is personal choice, personal decision which one has to carry out on their own. Consciously. Of course, people will sometimes change over time due to environmental effects, however, consciously taking control over your life is a very hard and demanding thing to do and the last thing you want is somebody breathing over your neck telling that you are not changing and not doing it right. Change is a process, it takes a long time and a lot of effort.

Most people never change. And that is another reason to NOT ever try to change somebody. Most people will die the way they were born because they never put in any time into themselves. I guess, what I am trying to say is that forcing people to change is pointless. It all shows that you do not respect that person they way they are and what they represent. That in itself makes them question your motives.

Change others is a waste of your own resources because you have your own life to live. You have yourself to change and improve…if you chose to do so. Making somebody change just because they do not fit your standard for something is very judgmental and demeaning towards other people. So do yourself and other a favor, change yourself first. Lead by example, be the inspiration that the others might need, be a leader, let them know that it is possible to do whatever they want.

If  They Ask For Help

But if people ask for your help and they are willing to put the effort, I believe that you should fully support the other person in their endeavor, as they might a little extra push a little extra reminder to stay focused and motivated to follow through with their plan.

In short, don’t force change onto others, change yourself and help others when they are in need.