I have been writing on a regular basis for four months now. Writing is a form of self examination, a way to express the ideas and thoughts that matter to you the most. Given enough time, you will start noticing reoccurring thoughts and ideas, which will eventually form patterns.

I would like to share one pattern that, I believe, is the root cause for people’s unhappiness in their life. It is a simple, yet powerful observation. I am not trying praise myself here. I truly believe that the following observation holds a lot of weight if fully understood.

People lead unhappy lives because they cannot tell the difference between the means and the ends.

To be more exact, people think that some means are the ends. If we were to understand things for what they are, our lives would be much simpler. To make things clear, let us define means and ends.

I look at means as tools, which help you achieve your ends or goals. Let us assume we are building a house. House is our end, it is our goal. It is something that we want to accomplish. In order to do that, we are going to need a variety of tools: bricks, cement, wood, hammers, nails, glass, etc. Pretty simple stuff.

However, for some reason, when it comes to our personal lives, we are in the fog as to what the tools are and what the goals are. Actually, most of us are in the fog because we have no clear set goals of what we want to accomplish in our lives. That is why misinterpret some of the tools to be our goals. Only if we took the time to figure out what it is that we want to accomplish in our lives, then the distinction between means and ends would be clear.

Ends would be something that we have defined ourselves as a specific measurable and objective goal  that we want to achieve and means would be everything else.

I know it all sounds a bit complex, but let us look at two of the most common misinterpretations that people make.

“Being happy is my goal”. I disagree. Being happy should never be anyone’s goal. Happiness is just an emotion. It is an important emotion, which only tells us that whatever we are doing now is good for us and it is important to us. I believe it is a mistake to chase “being happy” as the purpose of life. Happiness is a side effect of achieving your goals that you have set for yourself. Happiness is a side effect of following your life’s purpose. That is all. If we confuse happiness to be something that we must achieve, then we automatically doom ourselves for unhappiness. Do not make this mistake. Remember and repeat the following: Happiness is a side effect of me following my life’s purpose.

“I want to be rich”. I disagree. Being rich should never be anybody’s goal. Money is just a tool that can be used to accomplish our goals. Simultaneously, it is a side effect of achieving your goals and following your life’s passion. That is where true wealth lies: in becoming what you have always dreamed of becoming. If you make being rich as one of your goals, then once you achieve this “goal”, you will feel empty and betrayed. Please do not make this mistake.  Remember and repeat the following: Wealth is side effect of me following my life’s purpose.

I can promise you that if you understand and differentiate between means and ends, you will be able to lead a rich and fulfilling life. However, if you mistake means for ends, be prepared for the unpleasant.

Which road do you want to take? Which road are you on right now?

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”– Thoreau

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Image: thefost

Statistics And Life

Thinking of statistics reminds of college. Stats were all about numbers and other dry “stuff” that had little relevance to anything important in life. That’s what I thought at the time. Yet, I am increasingly more intrigued by what statistics can show us and teach us about life.

I am not going to write about how awesome statistics is and how everybody should study it to understand life better, but I am going to share one thing that could change the way you see the world once and for all:

Correlation does not imply causation.

That’s it – correlation does not imply causation. Let it sink in for a minute.

Many people tend to think that correlation implies causation. Such manner of thinking is subconscious most of the time, yet  we have problems such as racism, xenophobia, sexism and many other isms that give rise to prejudice and judgment precisely because of that. It is because of that misunderstanding that many of us carry negative mental images of events, peoples, cultures and so on, which prevent us from openly interacting with those different from us. This is why we form stereotypes.

I am going to show you how understanding this simple statement: “Correlation does not imply causation” can help you rid your life of stereotypes once and for all. That statement on it’s own is the antidote for the poison of bias and judgment that runs wild in our world.

However, first, we must understand how stereotypes are formed in order to be able to apply the antidote.

How Stereotypes Are Formed

Our brain is mostly to blame for the formation of stereotypes in our mind.

Our brain has to process unfathomable amount of information during the day. It cannot possible understand it all because of the limited capacity of the brain. Even if it did, the process would take too long and would be of little benefit to us. That is why our brain comes up with certain rules or filters which kick in automatically, given a certain set of circumstances. This way our brain is trying to keep our mental capacity open for making the decisions that truly matter.

Another huge factor in formation of stereotypes is  something called information bias. If we are only exposed to a certain set of information about a particular occurrence, then our brain will receive only biased information. That will only accelerate the process of  stereotype forming.

Knowing this fact, we can easily see how the media can be used in the formation of stereotypes. The media sources can choose to form a desired stereotype in our mind by repeatedly exposing us with biased information creating associations in our minds without us even realizing.

Let us examine an example.

Let us assume that all tall people that you have ever seen in your life are basketball players. It is because you are a son or daughter of a basketball player. You are receiving biased information and over long periods of time. What happens in your head is this: all tall people are basketball players OR if you are tall then you must be a basketball player. You have formed a stereotype. You have not been exposed to enough of contradicting information for you to start doubting that all tall people are basketball players.

The above process can be easily generalized into the following observation. During my life I have experienced (I have seen, been told, heard of, etc) that people with X characteristic are Y; therefore, I will just assume that if I see a person with X characteristic, he will have a Y feature.

You can see how the above process easily gives rise racism, sexism, xenophobia and numerous other misjudgments about people.  That easily happens, if we are not aware of the fact that correlation does not imply causation.

The Cure

Let us revisit the example with the basketball players. Before you were introduced to the idea that correlation does not imply causation, you thought that all tall people are basketball players.

Here is how you thinking would change after the introduction of the idea that correlation does not imply causation. You would think the following: “Even though, all tall people I have seen in my life are basketball players, that is not necessarily the case because correlation does not imply causation. I might not have seen all of the tall people in the world for me to make this assumption. I should investigate more.”

So there you are. If you are aware of the fact that correlation does not imply causation, then you should be able to resits forming premature stereotypes about individuals, peoples, countries, associations and so on. Before jumping to conclusions ask yourself this: “Do I have enough information to form an opinion? Or, have I been exposed only to certain information with the intent of me forming a certain view about the event or a person? How and where can I find a contradicting piece of evidence which will negate my current understanding?”

If you just remember that correlation does not imply causation, then you will open up many doors in your life because of your open mind and curiosity and absence of judgment and bias. You will enrich your life with new and unexpected connections and experiences. Happy exploring!

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Image: instantatlas

Are you into self-development? Chances are that you are. Self-development seems to be this new fad that people are addicted to. It seems to be the thing to be doing. I might be wrong. Yet, it is the impression that I am getting. It makes me wonder why many people are so obsessed with it. Is it because of genuine desire to grow or is it something that you are doing just to make yourself feel better?

I know I have been in both situations. I found that doing something for the wrong reasons might get you to do something for the right reasons. Here I will share a bit of my personal life to illustrate the point.

How I Discovered Self-Development

It was a freshman year in college. I was recovering from a rejection by a girl that I was attracted to. I found myself talking to this guy I barely knew. I told him of my problems and how I felt and how terrible what happened to me was. All of the sudden, he said: “I know exactly where you are coming from. Here is what I have been doing.” He suggested me that I read on material by David D’Angelo. So I did.

The material promised all of these tricks, tips and techniques of how to fill your life with women that you want. It promised an abundance of girls. I was pumped! I remember how excited and energized I was to get started. Immediately I started reading more and more about women and dating. I bought books, read them, watched videos, talked to my friends about it. It was an exciting new thing for me. That was in the spring of 2005.

However, the more I read about, the more I realized that there was something missing. I read all of these rules and techniques and there was so much to it! There was no way I could keep track of it all.More importantly, I felt like I was being fake. It did not feel natural or real. I felt like I was cheating myself and that women liked me for what I pretended to be, not for who I was.

Yet, I kept on reading and researching until I finally stumbled on something that completely shifted my focus from women to myself. That was what I felt was missing. The deeper and more in depth series by David D’Angelo completely ditched the rules and techniques and went deep into the topics that really mattered.

The material focused on becoming a man that women would want to be around naturally as opposed to using tricks and techniques to lure them in. I was shocked and amazed. I loved it! I opened up a completely new chapter of my life. My focus shifted from the external validation to internal development. I felt like I have rediscovered myself and what I was about and the things I should focus on. Everything became more meaningful and real. I started to get an increased feeling of self-worth and confidence. I was ready to continue my journey.

Then, came the period of obsession with self-development. Once again, I stared going through the material mindlessly without thinking about it. I was reading Steve Pavlina, Stephane Hemon, David D’Angelo, Napoleon Hill, Dale Carnegie and many other self-development materials. I was like a sponge absorbing it, but not putting it to use. Of course I got some benefit from it, but not as nearly as much as I thought I would get. Then eventually I got it. I understood how to use personal development articles and tips  for the best results.

How To Approach Self-Development For Best Results

Here I will share a list of tips that I came up with for you to get the most out of self-development materials:

• Accept yourself for who you are. Before you start any journey on self-development, accept and love yourself just for who you are. This will help you keep a healthy attitude towards what you are doing. Also, you will be able to keep yourself motivated when the things won’t go the way they were planned. You will be able to enjoin the results once you do get them. If you do not accept yourself for who yo are, no matter what you will do, you will feel inferior to somebody out there. So take care of this matter first and foremost before doing anything else.

• Slow Down. When you read the personal development materials, you will feel the need to go through them as fast as possible. You will want to do it all at once! It will be overwhelming and awesome at the same time. You will feel the need to read more right after you are done with article and move on to the next one. But the best thing you can do to save yourself time in the long run is to slow down! Read it slowly, think about it slowly, do it slowly. Give yourself time to understand what you reading. Simple things are not that simple to implement.

• Get Organized. You will find many amazing articles and ideas that you will want to incorporate into your life. You will want to do it all at once. But know your own capabilities and your limits. Work on one thing at a time. Develop a plan of how to best use the valuable resources that you find. Read everything with a purpose. Know what you want to do. It might be even helpful to develop an inventory of your strengths and your weaknesses, so you will know how to direct your time and energy. Make a list of the things that you want to accomplish and keep track of your progress.

• Let It Sink In. After carefully reading it, let the thoughts sink in. Do not rush to the next thing that is planned in your daily agenda. Sit there and think about what you just read and how you can best incorporate into your life.

• Follow Directions. Most personal development articles will come with a to do list telling you what to do. Follow those directions! They are there for a reason. Do not just understand them intellectually, go through the steps and actually do them as directed. Most of the authors that write these things have done them. They know what they are talking about. They have been there. Trust their wisdom and follow their lead with an open mind.

• Limit Yourself. There are tons of so called gurus out there claiming that they are the next best thing. Some of them are truly amazing. However, once again – slow yourself. Pick only a couple of authors that you truly find interesting and study them. Stay calm and steady. Do not go over the board and read everything that it out there. Stick with what you read and try to truly understand it. For example, I read only Steve Pavlina for a long time. The reality is that most advice or tips that you are going to read are not going to be drastically different.

• Experiment. Not everything you find online will work for you. Try what you find interesting. Test out the ideas that you find appealing. Make it part of your personality if you find them attractive. Discard ideas that you do not agree with or that do not resonate with you. Find out what works for you. Do not blindly believe in what the author is saying. Have the courage to object and question everything that you read. Nobody is perfect.

• Create a supportive environment. If you are truly passionate about getting the most out of yourself, then it is possible that you will have to change your friends and where you live.  It might a hard decision, but the truth is that most people will never make the conscious step of changing their lives for the better. Find people that will support your goals and your new identity.

• Explore. Once you feel comfortable with what you are doing and understand why you are doing then you should explore author authors and other ideas out there. You will find that the same issues can be approached from many different angles. You might even find solutions to the problems that you current approach could not solve. Point being: do not settle. Keep looking and learning. That is the point of growth after all.

• Be persistent. Understand that this will take a lot of time! Keep going  and practicing even if you do not see the results right away. Trust the authors that you read and keep at it and you will be glad you did.

Best of luck! Go out there and get started!

]]> http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/25/how-to-approach-self-developement-for-best-results/feed/ 2 http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/18/cpa-lessons/ http://uncertainchange.com/2009/11/18/cpa-lessons/#comments Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:51:07 +0000 Tomas Stonkus http://uncertainchange.com/?p=612

That is it. I am done. I have passed all four parts of the Certified Public Accountant (CPA) Exam!  I found that out just a couple of days ago. Thank you! Thank you! I am excited that I am done with the exam. It was no easy task. My journey started all they way back in February,2009. I took my last test October 2nd, 2009.  It is total of eight months that I have spent studying for the exam. Finally, the baby was born.

It was a journey filled with challenges, sometimes hopelessness, sometimes happiness, but it was mostly filled with tons of studying and learning. I learned more than I thought I would. Of course, I learned all about auditing, taxes, business law, financial accounting and reporting, economics and so on. However, some of the most valuable lessons I have learned came from the experience itself. That is what I want to share with the rest of you. I had to learn these things the hard way, and I want to share them with you to make your life easier.

Here it goes. Top 5 Lessons from the CPA Exam:

• Pace Yourself. Any major undertaking in life will require a lot of effort and time. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to become a great communicator? Do you want to become a leader? Do you want to be great at X? If you answered “Yes”, to any of the above questions then you will have to pace yourself. You have to do just the right amount every day to accomplish your goals. If you do too much – you will get burnt out. If you do too little – you will never achieve your goals. So figure out, what it is that you want to be great at or what you want to accomplish and start taking small steps every day towards that goal. Over time, it will seem that you are not doing much, but the accumulation of those small daily actions will yield the result that you were looking for. That leads directly to my next point.

• Be Patient. Patience is truly a virtue. I remember so many times I wanted for the exam to be over; I wanted to be done with it; I wanted to have my results yesterday. Yet, no matter how hard I wished for something, it never happened any sooner that it should have. Sometimes, I wanted to know everything today, but it seemed that I was getting nowhere. It seemed that time was standing still and that my studies were yielding no fruit. I had to stay motivated and keep doing those small steps along the way and stay patient and not get frustrated. It was tough at first. But eventually I realized that with time, it will all make sense. And it did. Being patient and pacing myself helped me stay sane, motivated and frustration free. In short, be patient and trust yourself and the results will come…eventually.

• Eliminate Distractions. The biggest hurdle in most people’s lives in achieving something great is distractions. During my studies, I encountered many distractions: friends wanting to go out or hang out, watching a lazy movie, going on a date and so on. Yet, I knew that if I wanted to stay focused, I had to eliminate things that were using my energy, but were no getting me to where I wanted to go. Same applies to real life situations. If you have set a purpose or a goal in life and you want to achieve it – eliminate distractions. Those distractions might be more subtle in life. They may come in the form of unhealthy relationships, activities, environments, hobbies, addictions and so on.  It is important to become aware of them and then eliminate them to clear your mind and regain focus.

• Be Flexible. Some things are not within your control. You have to admit and deal with it. In the course of my studies, various things would come up ranging from work related issues to family related issues. Things would come up  that I could not just avoid or eliminate. I would have to deal with them. Understand that things in life rarely go just like you planned. Most of the time they do not. It is important to expect them and when they do happen deal with them as soon as possible. If you stay flexible and are able to work around life to get to where you want to get in life, you will be successful. Getting frustrated and angry at random unpleasant events in your life will get you no where. It will just waste your energy and slow your progress. Stay flexible and solve problems when they come up.

• Remember what matters. Sometimes I would get lost in the midst of the studies. I would forget to live a life. I would eliminate everything that I thought was a distraction, but it was because I was letting it become one. It is important to remember to live a life while you are focusing on your goals. Remember the important relationships that matter to you. Remember the activities that you enjoy doing. Remember doing things that make you happy and fulfilled. Although it is important to stay on course to where you are going, it is even more important to be able to enjoy life no matter what.  Remember why you are doing certain things. Why are you getting your CPA? Why are you doing X? In my case, I wanted to get the CPA to open up more doors and become more competitive so I can get a job and do the things I like with the people I love.  But sometimes I would forget to do those things while studying for the CPA. Don’t make that mistake. Remember what matters in your life and remember why you are doing certain things in life.

I hope that you are able to learn and apply the lessons above to your personal life. Let is serve you as a small reminder of what is truly important in life and how to get what you want in life without compromising.