I sometimes wait to write later in the day. Sometimes I do it because I don’t have time in the morning. Sometimes I just wait for inspiration. Inspiration comes from the articles I read or the experiences throughout the day. Well, this article is inspired by an event that happened today.

If you guess that I was pissed off because of the event, then you are right. The only good thing that is going to come out of that negative experience is this article.

The Mistake

In the past, I wrote how disagreement can create value. Many times it provides a different perspective on the same issue and so on. However, arguing has to be done the right way, otherwise it can lead to resentment.

From my experience today, I have come to the following conclusion: before engaging in a conversation and proposing your own perspective on an issue, make sure you understand the other person’s perspective completely.

If you do not take the time to completely understand the other person, then you will just end up insulting the other individual by making assumptions. Also, it is extremely difficult to even talk to a person when you know they did not care enough to research and understand your point of view.

Moreover, when you make assumptions without having the whole picture, you are going into the conversation with a closed mind with a predetermined outcome in your mind. That is the exact reason why you are not able to understand the other person completely to begin with. Your emotions and your prejudice get in the way. Your mind gets closed off before the interaction even starts.

Going to a conversation with a closed mind and a lack of complete information, you are sure to piss somebody off. Even if you won’t piss them off, they will be hesitant to ever talk to you again.

The Solution

So how do you actually avoid making this mistake?

1.Try to figure out why you want to engage in the interaction to begin with. Figure out your intentions first. If your intentions are to prove the other person wrong, then you might as well just drop the idea. However, if you intend to learn a different perspective  and suggest an alternative view to the other person, then that in itself will help you keep an open mind.

2.Do your research before engaging in an interaction. If you have the right mindset, then do your best to understand the different perspective. This will require you leaving the emotions behind you and understanding things for what they are. This will challenge you, but do your best.

3.Clarify before making a point. After completing the above two steps, here comes the crucial one. Summarize the other persons perspective to your opponent to make sure you understand their point of view exactly. This will show the other person that you actually took the time to understand their perspective and did your homework instead of just unloading your views and perceptions on them.

Do the above three steps and you will be able engage in more meaningful connections with other individuals. Try it out and see the magic work. This is part of the art of listening, truly listening. This is the skill that will help you open new doors and deeper understanding about life.

________________

Image: danorbit