How important is money to you? What does it mean to you? How much time in your day do you spend worrying about money? Is being rich one of your goals in life? Do you know why?

These are all important questions that you should answer for yourself.

I have come to the following conclusions in my quest to understand the world of finance:

• Money is not real
• Money is a side effect of living your purpose of life
• Rich is a state of mind
• Money reflects value
• Money is a tool, it is means to an end, not vice versa

All of the above conclusions have lead to understand that worrying about money is pretty silly. I am not mocking people who are struggling financially. I am just saying that many people are focused on the wrong issue. Most people are unhappy because they have the means and the ends confused. If you continue worrying about acquiring more money, then you will end up leading a poor life. I can almost say that with certainty.

If you should not focus on money, then what is it that should focus on? You need to focus on the real source of wealth, which gives rise to wealth. You should focus on creating genuine value in your life.  Worry about that. Try and figure out a way how you can create value for others. That is the true source of wealth – value.

How does that help? Here is how. If you focus on creating genuine value for others, then you will just know that riches are surely to follow soon after. With that in mind, you won’t have to worry if the economy is rising or falling, or if the dollar is becoming stronger or weaker. You won’t even have to worry if you lose your house or your savings because you will always now that you have never lost the source of that wealth: yourself.

You are the biggest asset in your life and you should invest the most time and effort into fine tuning your ability to create value.

The big question, then is not how to get more money, but how to create more value. So, how do you create value?

1. Understand yourself. You should be the person who knows you the best inside out. That will require time and effort. It will require you knowing what you like and what you dislike. You will have to figure out what drives you and what depresses you. You will have to know your strengths and your weakness. Only by understanding yourself, you will be able leverage your strengths and your passions to figure out where you fit in the world. Moreover, you will be able to figure out your underlying purpose in life.

2. Follow your life purpose. With a clear image of where you want to go in life, you will naturally dedicate yourself to your ideal and become and expert at what you are trying do in life. If you try and do anything else but what you absolutely love, then your whole being will resist  and it will ultimately lead to unhappiness and poor life. If you follow your passion, then you will just know what to do and where to go. You will able to make choices and decisions so much easier. There will be a clear distinction in what you need and do not need in your life.

That is all there is too it. Surprised? You should be.

I was going to write more about transferable skills, marketing and branding and so on. Yet, it does not really matter. It does not matter if you understand what rich or wealthy and poor really mean. They have little to do with money. Remember, correlation does not imply causation! Rich and poor are simply states of mind.

Being rich means doing all the things that you always wanted to in your life. What else could anybody really want in life? After all, even those who acquire a lot of money, what do they do with it? They usually spend it doing the things that they want to do. It might be going on vacations, spending time with the family or learning something. Yet, it is crucial to understand: you don’t need to be rich dollar wise to do the things that you enjoy.

All you need to do is make the right decisions by understanding yourself and following your life purpose. That is the real difference between the true rich and the true poor. With these new definitions of rich and poor, reread the article and see if it makes more sense now. Go ahead and do it. It might change your life.

With that in mind, this would be a more appropriate picture:

QUESTION: Are you still worried about money?

_____________________

Image (top): Delox – Martin Deák

Image (bottom): dotbenjamin

“Be The Change You Want To See In The World” – Gandhi

Yes, it is more of the same old “be the change you want to see in the world”. Yet, no matter how old it is, it never gets old. It is probably one of the most overused phrases in the world that joins that ranks of “Just Do it!”, “Impossible is nothing” and so on.

It is one of the most used, but one of the least practiced ideas in the world.

Everybody is quick to throw it out there: “Be The Change You Want To see In The World” and then they turn around and complain about how unfair life is. At the very best it is hypocrisy, and the very worst it is the attitude that creates the overworked, unhappy and unfulfilled world.

We as people create that world. Our collective choices and attitudes create the world that we live in. We collectively created the 9-5 nation (should I say 9-9 and get paid for 9-5?), the always rushing, never stopping, always miserable and complaining nation. We did that together.

And, yet we have the audacity to complain.

How dare you complain about the something that you are part of yourself? If you do everything that makes this world as it is, then you have no right to complain about it. Really. You don’t. Matter of fact, you never have the right to complain. Complaining is a different way of not taking the responsibility for your life.

Do you think you are the only one who feels trapped? I don’t think so. There are millions upon millions of people out there who feel just like you, and do nothing just like you. They feel helpless and powerless. But do you really understand, that we together, as people, have made the world what it is today?

That means that we can all change it – together. We can do it together, if we only choose so. If all us made conscious choices to give in to the routine less, if all of us stood up for ourselves and our values, if all of us together decided that we had enough of this overly materialistic and celebrity run world, then we could do it.

We can do it.

Why hasn’t it happened yet? If everybody is so fed up, why isn’t anybody doing anything?

I know why. Everybody else is waiting. They are all waiting for somebody else to do it first. They are waiting for somebody to take the responsibility of being the first one to stand up from them. They are waiting.

Are you waiting too?

Have you every really thought that you could be that person that “they” are waiting for? I think they are waiting for you to stand up and become the change that you (and they) want to see in the world.

Now you know. Everybody else feels just like you. It’s just like school all over again. Remember when you were afraid to ask a “dumb” question only to realize later that everybody else was wondering the same? Well, this is kind of like that. Except this time, it is a fact that everybody DOES want to change the world for the better and once again, it is the time for you to make a fool out of yourself and stand up for the values that matter to you.

You don’t have to do anything big. Start at home, with your family and your friends, then at work and so on. Before you know it, your attitude will have changed the world. Sometimes people just need an example, a leader to see that change is really possible and that it is not just in their heads.

You can do it! You can be the leader in your own way. You can start the change by changing yourself and leading by example. We have created the rules that we hate, we can just as easily destroy them and create new ones.

_______________

Image: the-tml

Statistics And Life

Thinking of statistics reminds of college. Stats were all about numbers and other dry “stuff” that had little relevance to anything important in life. That’s what I thought at the time. Yet, I am increasingly more intrigued by what statistics can show us and teach us about life.

I am not going to write about how awesome statistics is and how everybody should study it to understand life better, but I am going to share one thing that could change the way you see the world once and for all:

Correlation does not imply causation.

That’s it – correlation does not imply causation. Let it sink in for a minute.

Many people tend to think that correlation implies causation. Such manner of thinking is subconscious most of the time, yet  we have problems such as racism, xenophobia, sexism and many other isms that give rise to prejudice and judgment precisely because of that. It is because of that misunderstanding that many of us carry negative mental images of events, peoples, cultures and so on, which prevent us from openly interacting with those different from us. This is why we form stereotypes.

I am going to show you how understanding this simple statement: “Correlation does not imply causation” can help you rid your life of stereotypes once and for all. That statement on it’s own is the antidote for the poison of bias and judgment that runs wild in our world.

However, first, we must understand how stereotypes are formed in order to be able to apply the antidote.

How Stereotypes Are Formed

Our brain is mostly to blame for the formation of stereotypes in our mind.

Our brain has to process unfathomable amount of information during the day. It cannot possible understand it all because of the limited capacity of the brain. Even if it did, the process would take too long and would be of little benefit to us. That is why our brain comes up with certain rules or filters which kick in automatically, given a certain set of circumstances. This way our brain is trying to keep our mental capacity open for making the decisions that truly matter.

Another huge factor in formation of stereotypes is  something called information bias. If we are only exposed to a certain set of information about a particular occurrence, then our brain will receive only biased information. That will only accelerate the process of  stereotype forming.

Knowing this fact, we can easily see how the media can be used in the formation of stereotypes. The media sources can choose to form a desired stereotype in our mind by repeatedly exposing us with biased information creating associations in our minds without us even realizing.

Let us examine an example.

Let us assume that all tall people that you have ever seen in your life are basketball players. It is because you are a son or daughter of a basketball player. You are receiving biased information and over long periods of time. What happens in your head is this: all tall people are basketball players OR if you are tall then you must be a basketball player. You have formed a stereotype. You have not been exposed to enough of contradicting information for you to start doubting that all tall people are basketball players.

The above process can be easily generalized into the following observation. During my life I have experienced (I have seen, been told, heard of, etc) that people with X characteristic are Y; therefore, I will just assume that if I see a person with X characteristic, he will have a Y feature.

You can see how the above process easily gives rise racism, sexism, xenophobia and numerous other misjudgments about people.  That easily happens, if we are not aware of the fact that correlation does not imply causation.

The Cure

Let us revisit the example with the basketball players. Before you were introduced to the idea that correlation does not imply causation, you thought that all tall people are basketball players.

Here is how you thinking would change after the introduction of the idea that correlation does not imply causation. You would think the following: “Even though, all tall people I have seen in my life are basketball players, that is not necessarily the case because correlation does not imply causation. I might not have seen all of the tall people in the world for me to make this assumption. I should investigate more.”

So there you are. If you are aware of the fact that correlation does not imply causation, then you should be able to resits forming premature stereotypes about individuals, peoples, countries, associations and so on. Before jumping to conclusions ask yourself this: “Do I have enough information to form an opinion? Or, have I been exposed only to certain information with the intent of me forming a certain view about the event or a person? How and where can I find a contradicting piece of evidence which will negate my current understanding?”

If you just remember that correlation does not imply causation, then you will open up many doors in your life because of your open mind and curiosity and absence of judgment and bias. You will enrich your life with new and unexpected connections and experiences. Happy exploring!

_______________

Image: instantatlas

Have you ever set out to accomplish a fairly vague goal such as becoming better at something. That something could be speaking, writing, socializing, networking, basketball, programming and so on. Since better is a very vague word, it is inherently hard to measure our progress or know how we are doing.

For example, I set out into the blogging world. I just wanted to share my thoughts with the rest of the world, help a couple of people. Nothing big. Then I started getting into it, as I realized vast opportunities that blogging presents. And then, I realized that if I want to make anything out of my blog, I have to improve my writing.

A tool of communication with the rest of the world! Sounds pretty important doesn’t it?

Well, as I progressed through my journey, I felt that I was getting better at it, but I was not sure. So I decided to ask for feedback. It’s one of the best choices I have made.

It does not matter what you are trying to get better at; you NEED to know how you are doing. Are you running a project and want to know if the customer is pleased? Are you working on speech and you want to know if it is coming along well? If so, then the best way to get better at something is to ask for feedback. Period.

Here is why.

• It will show others that you care. What better way to show others that you care about what you do than by earnestly asking for genuine feedback? Even if it is something that you are doing for yourself (such as blogging, public speaking, project management, programming, etc), by asking others for feedback you will get them thinking about you. Your friends, co-workers, or family will become more aware of what you are doing and often will help you improve faster by providing  you with additional tools, advice or just general support.

• You will know your own progress. You will be able to understand if the actions that you are taking are helping you or hurting you. Feedback will help you figure out if you are moving too fast, too slow, putting enough, too much or too little effort in achieving your goals. Often times, we will have an idea of how we are doing, but feedback can work as a “reality check” for us to maintain awareness of our actions.

• You will push yourself out of your comfort zone. Naturally, you will have to put yourself out there when asking for feedback. You might have to force yourself to talk to your boss, your spouse, your children, your coworkers, strangers and friends in order to get feedback about the topic that concerns you. How is that pushing myself out of my comfort zone you might ask? Well, if you are asking for feedback be prepared to hear the good, the bad and the ugly. Especially the bad and the ugly. But that is exactly why feedback is important. If everybody just told you the good stuff while hiding the bad, what good would it do to you? NOTHING. So expect and learn how to deal with criticism and remember that a failure just points to an area for improvement.

• You will push others out of their comfort zone. This is a tough one. Believe or not people are very nice. Most of  us will do the most we can to avoid any sort of conflict. That is exactly what you are doing when you are asking for feedback, HONEST feedback. I am going to say it again: ask for HONEST feedback. That means others will have to tell you the bad and the ugly as well as the good stuff. That in itself is a recipe for conflict. People are worried about hurting others feelings by telling them the truth EVEN when they ask for it! Be sure to emphasize honesty because if they will try to play a nice person and hold things back from you, then you  and the other person will lose on the opportunities for growth by putting yourselves into a conflict situation.

• It will open up channels of communication. Naturally, this will force you to communicate and even talk openly to people which you would generally not even say “Hi” to.  This can be a great conversation starter and a catalyst for new friendships. You might discover new friends along the way who will help you excel even further by being honest and resourceful.

I personally experienced all of the above effects of feedback by asking my friend and fellow blogger Oleg Mokhov to provide me with honest feedback on my writing. It’s great and one of the more overlooked resources for growth. Because of this important information that I am receiving from Oleg, I am able to write better and better growing my blog and attracting more readers and hopefully helping them improve their lives!

You can do it too! All you have to do is ASK.

_________________

Image: Don Moyer

I am proud to announce my first guest post on Walter Adena’s blog LionSlinger.com. In this article I reconsidered the way people look at love. The basic idea that love is not an emotion, but a state of being.

Reconsidering Love

When I sat down to write this article, I wanted to call it: “What Love Really Is”. As soon as I started writing, it hit me. All of us are unique and all of us experience life differently. That is why we all have a unique understanding of what love is. Trying to prove to you what love really is would be simply pointless. I would be dissing your intelligence and your experiences in life by stating that you all are wrong and I am right about love.

Instead, I will just give you my unique perspective on love. I will tell you what I think love is not, what it is, and what it ought to be. Maybe, just maybe my insight will enrich your life and add a unique perspective that was not there before.

Continue reading here…

Do things for the wrong reasons to start doing things for the right reasons!

I guess you could call it unconventional wisdom, but I was never a very conventional person. My life did not turn out to be conventional. Sometimes I wish it did, but then sometimes I am grateful it did not. Since I live an unconventional life, I have some pretty unconventional experiences and thoughts. For example, I like to do the opposite; I like to confront people; I like to disregard social norms. I don’t do it on purpose, but it just so happens.

And, it just so happens that I came across this unconventional idea of doing things for the wrong reasons to start doing things for the right reasons!

Right and wrong are very illusive concepts, yet most people seem to understand them just fine. By right reasons I mean doing things because of the goodness of your heart, doing a selfless act, doing things because you should do them. By wrong reason I mean doing things for selfish reasons that benefits only you and does not have the direct benefit to the other person.

People will tell you that you should do things for the right reasons. They will tell you to do nice things to others because that is what you are supposed to do. People will tell you that you should volunteer because you will be helping others. They will tell you to treat others with respect because everybody deserves it. People will remind you not to judge others because you do not know their story! And the list goes on. Do this and do that.

Have you ever felt like you didn’t want to be nice to every person you met? Have you felt like you couldn’t care less about what you said to others? Have ever felt like all of those rules just had no meaning at all? I know I have. I rebelled against them. It was a quiet revolution. I would refuse to do the little things that I thought were just plain stupid. For example, I always felt that I was entitled to my own opinion about anything and anybody; I hated keeping my mouth shut about certain topics; I was terrible at hiding my true feelings of dissatisfaction with certain people.

Fair enough, all of those things made me seem like a very negative person and I started to see that it was affecting my social and personal life. It was a bad situation. Yet, I could not do something if I did not see the reason for doing it. Even if I did know the reason for doing something, if it did not make sense to me, I still would not act in a socially desired way.

It was up to me to make up good reasons for doing things that I should already be doing. So I did. I made up a ton of selfish reasons to do things that I did not see any reason in doing. Here are some examples:

• Socialize in order open up more opportunities for myself.
• Volunteer because it looks good on my resume
• Help others because you could ask them for favors later
• Be friendly and nice to others because you never know who knows who
• Write a blog because I can make money from it
• Etc.

And I started doing those things because of the reasons listed above. At first, it felt weird doing it and it actually did not feel right. I felt like I was cheating myself and that I was just using others. However, over time, I started realizing the actual purpose and reasons for doing things I did not see a reason to do. For example, I started being nice to all of my friends and even strangers because I know how important it is to lend a helping hand when somebody is in need and how much of a difference that can make in somebody’s life. Some might argue that helping somebody makes me feel good and that is my selfish reason for doing. Yet, I am doing things because it helps the other person and it might just be a way for nature to tell us that we are going in the right direction.

So go ahead out there and start doing things for the wrong reasons to start doing them for the right reasons! Just be aware that there is a right reason for doing things and go out with a purpose of eventually doing the right things for the right reasons.

QUESTION: Have you ever done anything for the wrong reasons to find yourself doing the same thing for the right reasons?

________________

Image: Flickr

“We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. And we’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” – Fight Club

X: I love that quote. It’s awesome! I completely agree with it!
Y: Are you crazy? That’s nonsense. I know that any of us can be millionaires and movie stars. All we have to do is to chose so!
X: That’s crap. Society is just structured so that only a few lucky ones can get to the top. The rest of us are just fed false dreams to keep us somewhat happy and calm.
Y: Are you kidding me? I have witnessed so many people who were at the bottom and the rose to the top to become millionaires and movie starts just by working hard and putting in the effort.That is all you need in this life: hard work and you can make anything of yourself. I know I will be something one day!
X: Yea right. Did you ever look around yourself? There are millions of other people out there just like living this false dream, thinking they are going to be superstars. What makes you think you are different from them? Look, I want to be a millionaire too. I want to live in the lazy life, do nothing, just chill, hang out and do what I want. But I have to be realistic. I have to know my limits and just accept the reality for what it is.
Y: That is exactly why you are going no where. What are you going to do? Join a “Fight Club”? Give up on your dreams and just go join the rest of the losers?
X: Who are you calling a loser?
Y: You! Whatever, you just don’t get it
X: Me? Are you kidding me? Look who is talking!

What Is A Disagreement

Sounds familiar? Who is right in this situation? Who is wrong? Are they both partially right and partially wrong? Did this argument accomplish anything? Did it add any value to anybody? Chances are that nothing positive came out of the conversation.

We all have something to say about everything: self-development, nutrition, exercise, sleep, education, health care, war, love, etc. Yet, many of us really don’t care if what we know is the truth or just a widely accepted belief. What we really care about is that we have an opinion and because it is ours it makes it the correct one. It is very difficult for us to accept the fact that we might be wrong about something.  Matter of fact, when we realize that we are wrong, we try to defend our perspective even more.

Because of the reasons above, most disagreements lead people to feel lesser than they really are; their confidence drops, they start to doubt themselves; they feel resentment towards the other person; they feel emotionally and physically drained. That is why most people will tell you to avoid arguments all together and just let other person be. People will tell you to stay on the safe side and keep your opinion to your self. That might be true. But I tend to disagree.

Creating Value By Disagreeing

Let me tell you a little story. When I went to college I worked as a resident assistant at one of the residential halls. I naturally like confronting people and challenging their views. So it happened that I got into an argument about god with one of the very religious co-workers of mine. See, I have a very different understanding of god than most people that I meet. You could say it that it is a very nontraditional view. The co-workers happened to have a very traditional belief of God.

Before the argument even started, I thought to myself: “Here we go again. He’s going to try to convert me to his views. This is going to be fun…” Indeed, it was a lot of fun! The conversation lasted for hours. It had to be one of the most educational and eye opening conversations that I have ever had. I have learned so much about people and life that I did not know before or did not fully understand. The other person created value by disagreeing with me. It was just an outstanding experience!

After that, I started noticing it happening more and more frequently. I realized that it was not a unique, isolated event. Eventually, I realized that disagreeing with somebody can be the best learning and growth experience that you can have with somebody.

Here is why value is created when you disagree with others:

• You get a chance to test and reexamine the validity of your beliefs
• You get to learn of a different perspective about the same issue
• You learn how to connect with people on a personal level
• You get an opportunity to grow
• You provide an opportunity of growth for the other person
• You test the beliefs of the other person

If done right, a disagreement will provide you and others with a tremendous value and will accelerate your growth.

Disagreement is a catalyst of growth.

For the reasons above, it is selfish not seek opportunities for disagreement! You should go out there and ask people to disagree with you, to continuously challenge your beliefs, to keep you on the edge. You should also go out there and become confrontational! Express your opinions when you do not agree! Get out there and disagree!

However, you might get your feelings – or something else – hurt if you don’t do it right. There is a right way to disagree.

How To Disagree

Follow the following tips to create the most value for yourself and others when disagreeing:

• Know yourself. Know why you believe something that you believe in. Know the reasons behind it, so you can clearly articulate and explain yourself in such manner that would provide value to the person listening.

• Keep an open mind. If you are approaching others with a purpose to disagree then expect and be ready for things that will make you emotionality irritated. Expect them and neutralize them before hand. Losing your cool is the worst thing that can happen when being engaged in an argument.

• Listen. If you are going just to force your opinion onto others, you will soon find people keeping their distance from you. Learn how to listen. If you listen and understand the other person, you will gain an insight into their thinking. You will gain their respect and they will listen to you as well. Keeping communication channels open is crucial if you want to learn something and create value for others.

• Ask questions. If you do not understand something – ask. Others will be more than happy to explain it to you. Do not jump to conclusions when you hear something that does not make sense to you. Give the other person a chance to provide a complete explanation.

• Be patient. Understand that arguments might take a long time. If it is something that is important to you – schedule a more convenient time to talk and come ready. Doing things in a rush, can cause even more confusion than to help any of the involved parties.

• Know when to stop. Sometimes, it is just crucial to stop the argument. Once you realize that the other person is refusing to listen, cuts you short, forces their opinion on you – leave. Politely excuse yourself and get away from a ” you lose  he/she wins” situation.

Now go out there and disagree!

QUESTION: When was the last time you created or gained value from disagreeing?

__________

Image: Photobucket

Have you ever had such a bad experience that you never ever wanted to remember it again in your life? Yet, no matter how hard you tried to forget it, it kept coming back and torturing you? Maybe it was because you did or didn’t do something that hurt other people. Maybe it was because somebody hurt you. Either way, the past seemed to always be there with you never letting go and reminding you of that bad action what you made.

If you experienced any of the above, I have news for you – you are a human being. Yet, in order to even being to understand answering the question of how to let go of the past, we have to examine time first.

What is Time?

Why we are going to examine time – because understanding the past is not enough. It is impossible to understand the past without talking about the past, the present, and the future together. Combining the above mentioned elements together gives us time as we understand it. I understand the there are many ways to look at time. Therefore, we are going to leave the quantum mechanics and physics aside. Instead we are going to focus  on time from a psychological perspective.

In that sense, time does not really exist. What exists is the experience. Nothing else. There is no past or the future. There has always been and there will always be only the present. Our brains take those experiences and store them in our brain as memories, which we label the past. Those memories are stored in our brain as collection of neurons. The brain then uses those connections to form our habits and behaviors. In addition, our brains forms possible future outcomes based on our past experiences. Those simulations try to protect us from making bad decisions, which would end up hurting us. They also encourage making decisions, which in our head, should produce a favorable outcome.

However, sometimes we experience really strong negative emotions which form an extremely strong neuron connection in our brain. Most of the time, those connections cannot be easily broken. Yet, we do not have to break them. All we need to do is change the way we understand that experience in order to change the way that emotion makes us feel. So how do we do what?

How to Let Go of The Past?

Most people try to forget negative experiences. Yet, the act of trying to forget something naturally reactivates and strengthens the chemical reaction associated with that emotion and experience. Here is what I found what works for me:

1. Understand that past does not exist. It is all in your head. It is a collection of memories, which your brain chose to save for the future use. The event itself has passed as if it never happened.
2. Understand that you are not in the present if you are thinking about the past. It has some serious implications. Living in your head, might cause you to lose focus and cost you opportunities to advance your life towards a direction that you want to do. Ask yourself if suffering about the past is worth sacrificing the present?
3. Understand that you cannot control that past. This is the biggest stepping stone in letting go of the past. I’ll say it once again: Understand that you cannot control that past. What done is done. The only result you have is the experience that you carry with you; nothing else.
4. Accept that you cannot control the past. This might be harder than you think, but  try to truly understand that you truly cannot control anything that has already happened and that trying to do so will cause you to relive the whole experience over and over again.
5. Forgive yourself and take responsibility for your actions by speaking the truth to yourself and others. Do this even if you do not think you did anything wrong.
6. Forgive others for hurting you.
7. Learn the lesson that you had to learn from the experience. That is why it happened. A negative experience is nothing more than a way for the universe to tell you that you were doing something wrong and that you need to learn what ever needs to be learned.
8. Be grateful for that negative experience because of the value and depth that it has brought into your life.
9. Live NOW!

All of these steps require courage, time and dedication. They are not easy, but the rewards are fulfilling and lead to a greater and more rewarding life. Let go of your past – NOW!

Sometimes I realize how really simple the life is. It is so simple. Very simple, but seems like people just choose to complicate it. The reason for me saying is very simple – reality.

Science vs. Religion

I was having a conversation with a friend today about god and realized that we had a lot in common. I realized that science and religion are not that different and only the underlying beliefs make them seem so different. But then a thought struck me.

It doesn’t matter what I believe in or what the other person believes in. Our beliefs don’t change the reality in which we exist. It doesn’t change what is going to happen to us when we die, it doesn’t change how/why/when we, the humans, came into existence.

Truth

I realized the importance of truth. Truth, which is unaffected by our beliefs. Some that is. Instead of arguing people should try and realize “What is?” as opposed trying to prove that somebody is right or wrong. Which is the very basis of all of the problems in the world – people are afraid of the truth, they rather prove that their BELIEF is right, but in all essence that is just cheating yourself. Why not go out and try actually figure out something and answer the question of what as opposed to saying what YOU THINK because that helps nobody.

Your beliefs can harm you and others around, just like thousands of years over religions have shown to us already. Let us put our egos aside and try help each other understand WHAT IS? Because, in reality that is more beneficial to everybody, it eliminates conflict and hatred. Only the truth and search for truth will bring peace and harmony to the world. I am talking about healthy competition, proving your position based on evidence, helping each other out even if you don’t agree with somebody.

If you base your life on searching for truth all arguments will cease, others will have more respect for you, you will stop wasting your time on people who don’t have an open mind and you will turn enemies into friends.

Key To Life

A search for truth and true understand of reality is the key to understand life and living in harmony with everybody. You are in control of only yourself. You can only change yourself. You can change the way you are and the way you think, but it will have no effect on your outside reality. So stop wasting time on trying to change reality and start taking to change yourself to better understand the reality.

Although the following words are not mine, I wanted to share it with everybody as I believe that encompass everything I have ever wanted to say about love or life. Hopefully later, I will be able to provide a more detailed commentary about my experiences with love, but for now I want to share the knowledge of Lao Tzu with the rest of you…

The Great Integrity is Love

The Great Integrity is love. It is the love that uniquely expresses our deepest unarmored bonds with each other. On the highest level we become Love. Out language, like all other aspects of our culture, tends to obfuscate our loss of wholeness and humanity. Since the experience of love requires this very wholeness and humanity that we have for the most part lost, our use of the term most often refers to the perversions of love that are compensatory of this loss. The first three are pathological contradictions of the Great Integrity, and the last two are healthy expressions of it.

Possessive love

The first type is possessive love, that is loving an object because we are capable of possessing it, or at least believing that we posses it. Even one’s mate might be loved as an object. This is the most alienated form of love and is widely practiced since the civilizations of the past five thousand years have been focused on possessing. All objects are viewed for their value to exchange and accumulate. Success is defined as the power to accrue and maintain the largest number of desirable objects. People too are objectified, primarily as the means to create the objects to be acquired, so control over those who produce those objects becomes a basic test of success. The objectification of nature and of human labor, when extended to personal relations takes many forms, for example, male chauvinism, which is a typical expression of love as possession. Clearly, objective love is not only toxic to our humanity, but inverts and perverts the very act of loving itself, turning it from a selfless and spontaneous experience of human fulfillment to a selfish and manipulative act.

Codependent Love

The second type of love is sometimes referred to as codependent love. It is rooted in the experience of powerlessness and expresses itself as addiction to control or to be controlled. A relationship of codependent love is a struggle for competing dependencies and results in the mutual exploitation of immaturities. Codependency prevents self-growth and independence, as well as genuine fulfillments. It is also a contradiction of the Great Integrity, but on a lesser level than the first possessive type of love.

Romantic Love

The third type of love might be called romantic love. It is generally an unconscious escapist attempt to compensate for the absence of self-appreciation. It is therefore generally a search for that “perfect” mate who is imagined as having the qualities that the romantic lover lacks. Although less pathological the possessive or codependent love, romantic love also contradicts the Great Integrity by its compensatory functions that drive a wedge between the essential and the imagined deficient self, as well as between the essential other and the imagined “perfect” mate.

Subjective Love

The fourth type of love is subjective love. It is the expression of a state of lovingness. It is the expression of a state of lovingness. There are no ulterior motives, no objects of material value to be acquired. The person who experiences subjective love is relatively without armor. Love is freely given and received. In such love, we are not fixated on a single possessive or codependent or romantic object of our love, but we love, and are loved by many people. Moreover, in subjective love, not only human beings, but animals, plants, rocks, art, the entire gamut of nature and of the environment, the entire universe tends to be experienced in a loving way. In this fourth form of love, many layers of armoring are shed, and we live more in harmony with each other, with nature and with our own human natures. It is the healthiest and most fulfilling level of love that our present epoch of transition offers as a potential expression of the Great Integrity.

Love

In the fifth type, we will experience love beyond its objective and subjective forms. We will become love. It is the experience of our total humanity, stripped of every shred of alienation, stripped of every premise of aggressive civilization. It is complete self and social actualization. Indeed, it is the ideal state of being that Lao Tzu defines as the Great Integrity, and is realizable only in the Third Epoch.